


Mass Effect 3: A Matter of Pride (Act II)

by ere_the_sun_rises (orphan_account)



Series: A Matter of Change [6]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Female Character In Command, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mass Effect 3, Mass Effect 3: Extended Cut, Mass Effect 3: Leviathan, Multi, Other, POV Female Character, POV First Person, Pregnancy, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 14:16:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1057765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ere_the_sun_rises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Why do you fight?” came the question- phrased in many voices, high-pitched and inquisitive, deep and aristocratic, artificially synthesized, rough and mercenary.<br/>“People are messy,” I said, into the emptiness. “Awkward. Sometimes selfish, and cruel. But they’re trying.” I swallowed. “And I’m going to make sure they have a chance.” I stood, alone in my quarters, head bowed under the weight slowly crushing down on me, the weight of a war I was slowly beginning to realize I would not survive.<br/>“War will make corpses of us all.”</i>
</p><p> </p><p>The end approaches. As the Alliance uncovers an ancient creature in the depths of the dark, the noose tightens as the Reapers close in on one side, Cerberus in on the other. The Illusive Man- and Kai Leng- will only be able to run so long before they must face the consequences of their actions and be brought to bear for their crimes. Old crew and new face off with their inner demons as the commander crumbles beneath the weight of a war they are losing fast, and a new leader emerges, baseborn into her own destiny. The final battle approaches, and on the charred soil of Earth the fate of humanity-and the galaxy as a whole-will at last be decided, once and for all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Story Index




	2. Death Begets Medals, Life, Not So Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back, with a brief note.
> 
> Just a warning, it gets dark from here on out. Get some ice cream or something, because I've taken to reading lines in Lois Griffin's voice so as not to depress myself.
> 
> Secondly, I'm still irritated by how I can't seem to get my Shepards' faces right. So, if anyone is capable of making a Shepard that looks like A) Rinko Kikuchi, B) Tao Okamoto, and/or C) Godfrey Gao, I would be eternally grateful.
> 
> With that, I leave you with this first chapter. Enjoy. And of course, credit to Bioware.

Space.

Everything, comprised of nothing. Death and disease wrapped up in darkness and silence.

To some, the final frontier.

I was prone to staring, if I spent too much time close to a window. The _Normandy_ was thankfully short on such spacious openings (boasting only the one in the starboard observation deck, if memory served). They _were_ a structural weakness after all.

Still, they endangered me to thinking (a dangerous pastime, if you will recall.) But the trance was soon broken, because one of the salarians crewing the ship came to tap on me hurriedly, pointing at the HUD. I could see a flashing comm channel, requesting entry into our mainframe. Business-like, I stepped out to the display and opened up the channel to communication. “This is the _Huntress._ ”

“ _Huntress,_ this is Alliance flight control; you are approaching Citadel station space and we don’t recognize your flight vector. Please identify or pull off.”

I held up a hand to the salarian comms specialist, and leaned into the mic to respond. “Alliance flight control, this is Lieutenant Commander Glenn of the SSV _Normandy,_ run voice recognition alpha-delta-one, service number 0341-N4-2273. There’s a fleet of eleven ships approaching under my command to dock.”

There was a commotion on the other end, and then: “Lieutenant Commander, your ships are clear to land. Please disembark with your hands above your head; you’re under arrest for desertion of the line of duty, disobeying a direct given order, and fraternization.”

The first two were expected, the third made me freeze. _Fraternization?_ It took me a moment to remember that the bridge crew was looking to me for orders, and I held out my hands, palms flat to the ground, taking a deep breath and trying to look in control. “Don’t come out there,” I said, slowly, swallowing and assuming an upright posture. “I’ll handle this.”

We came into dock- as soon as we depressurized and locked in, the airlocks opened and the bridge extended. I strode down the portside ramp, putting my arms obediently up and behind my head to approach the group below, a gaggle of Alliance officers and a few C-Sec for good measure. Charlie was among the front of the pack, arms folded, face at a steely impasse. As soon as I reached their vicinity, the two security officers, Campbell and Westmoreland, circled me to take an arm each and cuff my wrists. My fingers buzzed with a sudden dullness that began to quickly spread through my whole body.

“Oh, what’s this, inhibitors?” I flexed my wrists experimentally. “Come on, is this really necessary?”

“Lieutenant Commander, you’ve been court-martialed,” said Charlie, crisply. “I can tell you from experience that it isn’t the most luxurious of affairs.”

“So much for _habeas corpus,_ ” I muttered, fingers clenching against the suppressed energy. “Where are you holding me, then? Am I off to rot in the brig?”

“We aren’t,” said Charlie, stepping aside to let a few officers bring in a comm buoy. “This is a summary trial, Lieutenant Commander.” As she spoke, the thing switched on, and Admiral Hackett materialized, watching us both.

“Right, then, what’s Hackett doing here?” I questioned, nodding at him. “Sir.”

“The commander has recused herself,” Hackett said, as Charlie stepped back. “I’m the judge here.”

I sighed, rolling my eyes, jangling my wrists again in the cuffs. “Right, so it _would_ be a summary trial, _if_ my commanding officer were _ac_ tually presiding.” I shrugged. “I suppose we should hear the prosecution’s outraged accusations first?”

“We’ve collected statements from the commander already,” Hackett informed me. “In fact, the testimony by your commanding officer, your sister, and Lieutenant Moreau have already been filed.”

For a moment I was stunned into silence, casting my eyes over to Jeff. He met my gaze a brief moment, and then he looked away. “So, what you’re saying is that you’ve already convicted me? This…my speaking is a formality?”

“I’m listening to what you have to say, Commander.” He assumed parade rest, and waited for me to begin.

“Right,” I sighed, shifting on my feet. “Well, Aria T’Loak contacted me, asked me to look out for intel to help with her retaking of Omega. I found that on Gellix, with the ex-Cerberus team we picked up there-”

“Intel that you initially withheld from the Alliance,” Charlie spoke.

“-would you _shut up_ while I’m talking,” I snapped, looking snappishly her way. “I will _not_ be walked on with all of the loopholes you’ve forced on me. You just get off your fucking high horse and shut your mouth; you’re not the only fucking bootstrap brat here _._ ”

Charlie looked waspish, but I was unrepentant as I continued. “Yes, I did scrub the intel first and pass along the crucial bits to Aria, _after_ which I sent the data in its entirety to Alliance Command.”

Hackett took a note down on a datapad. “Go on.”

I shifted my feet, moving my numbing hands. “Aria contacted me again later. She wanted my help retaking Omega; on the condition I come alone and she pay me a hefty bounty for my services. It was mercenary work, but we’re in dire need of resources.” I scowled. “I _could_ have done it constitutionally, _had_ my superior officer seen the reason in that.” Charlie narrowed her eyes at me. “I’m not afraid to stoop and get my hands dirty for a cause I see fit.”

“The commander pointed out certain risks in her statement,” Hackett tapped on the datapad some more. “T’Loak’s got a long criminal record.”

“No longer than mine,” I pointed out. “We forgive certain transgressions in wartime, Admiral, that was my recollection. Did I disobey a direct order? Yes. I recognized that my commanding officer had made a decision, but given that it was a stupid-ass decision, I elected to ignore it. Did I run off and play nice with pirates? _Yes_. Did I break regulation and fraternize with another officer? Yes, _verily_ yes, all night long.” A few of the C-Sec officers sniggered, silenced by a stern look from Bailey. “Look, but we’ve got bigger- _much_ bigger fish to fry. I deserted the ranks- temporarily, I might add- but I brought you back eleven ships that are _experts_ in slipping past enemy lines, there’s a collective cargo of seventeen galactic standard tons of element zero on board, three hundred thousand five hundred paid mercenaries, an entire trove of Cerberus encrypted files and one of the best hackers in the upper Milky Way to crack them, all courtesy of Aria T’Loak-” the Alliance officers had begun to talk excitedly through my description- “and a few shiploads of refugees who I’m sure would be _very_ grateful if the Alliance put them up. _More_ importantly, Cerberus’ foothold on the Terminus is broken. I’ve done you all a goddamn _favor,_ what more do you want?” Now, the uproar was tumultuous. “I’ve _tried_ to play ball with you!”

Unable to speak over the din, Hackett flashed a signal to the security officers, and the cuffs clicked off. My fingers tingled as the eezo returned to them, and I rubbed at my wrists as the Alliance men organized to begin offloading the supplies. Charlie spoke as she passed me, “We’ll discuss this later.”

I hesitated to nod, and then stroke back up the ramp, to the _Normandy._

Stepping onto those decks again- _that_ was like coming home.

I only had a moment, because Jeff was the next one up, after me. Without a word, he pulled me onto the bridge, sealed the door behind us with a determined red lock, and pushed me up against the makeshift wall. His mouth sealed over mine, hands pinning my wrists to the wall (I could’ve shaken him off, he and I both knew that, but I didn’t bother trying.) His tongue skimmed over my bottom lip, and I opened up for him, let him probe into that orifice and make sure everything was in working order, letting loose a small moan and pushing his hips against mine before moving back marginally, eyebrows furrowing. “Glenn, what the _hell._ ”

“Say what you want, you _know_ that operation was crucial,” I hissed back.

“I was worried _sick-_ ” he growled, “- _literally,_ I felt _sick_ until your sister showed up here and told me what was going on.”

“And then you reported me?” I dared him.

“I didn’t have to, the commander knew what was going on,” he shot back, teeth baring, eyes alight. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him so up-in-arms, not since Miranda had accused him of losing the crew to the Collectors, possibly not ever. “So she nailed you on _ev_ erything you did to get out of here, and threw in a fraternization charge on top of that, you know, because she could.” He exhaled heavily, lips pressing tight together under his teeth, but I could see his composure breaking now, could see the moisture gathering in his eyes. He blinked harshly to dispel it, and looked back at me, heavy scowl in place once more. “You know what, I hope you’re happy.”

“I am.”

“I hope you…you _found_ yourself, or whatever you went for.”

“I hope you thought about that ex-girlfriend while I was away,” I shot back, shaking off his hold now, taking a hard step forward, forcing him a counterstep back. “ _Really,_ Jeff? ‘Some days I’m still not over it’? Because that’s a _great_ thing to tell _me_ , of _all_ people!”

“What?” Jeff scoffed at me incredulous, and _oh,_ hell hath no fury, hell hath _no_ fury. “What does it matter? She’s _gone_ now, Glenn. If this is a jealousy thing-”

“ _No,_ it’s not,” I spat. “I don’t know what your angle is, but I cannot…I _will_ not replace the one that got away. _Don’t_ think I don’t talk to the crew, Jeff, I might not have been here but I know _enough_ about your gunnery chief, and she sounds practically _detestable._ ‘I can’t tell the aliens from the animals’, really? Violently religious, tossing spiteful remarks at non-human crewmembers at a debriefing?”

“You did _not_ know Ash,” he barked at me, jabbing a finger. _Now_ I’d gotten his hackles up, and there was a vitriolic satisfaction in that.

“No,” I shot back, “I didn’t. But what does it matter? She’s _gone_ now, Jeff,” I sneered, tossing his words right back at him. “Whatever you did or didn’t say to her no one gives a rat’s ass about, _but_ you. Did you ever even _talk_ to her? Or did you just make some lewd remark about her filling out a hardsuit, and she never spoke to you again after except to say ‘pass the coffee’? God dammit, at least I had legitimate _options._ I could’ve gone after Jack, if the mood had struck me, I had an asari girlfriend back on Omega who, oh by the way, is raising my _daughter_ , I found that out too- Aria fucking T’Loak wanted me to _rule_ with her, for crying out loud! I had _options_!”

“Then _WHY_ did you choose _ME_?” he bellowed, inducing effective silence. “Why me?” he repeated, after several deep breaths, looking at me.

I tried my best to stay angry, but I was fighting a losing battle. I sighed, let my aggressive posture drop, folded my arms and rubbed at my face. “Because…you were the one who cared enough to help me. You…waited for me to let you in. And when I did, you…put all of the pieces back together.” I closed my eyes, turned to the side, opened them. “Death on the line might have motivated you, but you still…you talked to me. Took initiative.” I looked to my feet, pressing my lips thinly together. “Which is…more than you can say. With her.”

Jeff stepped beside me, put hands on my forearms to turn me until I faced him. He pushed the bunches of loose, tangled hair from my face, rubbing his thumb over my cheekbone. “You would’ve been the one that got away,” he said.

We kissed, this time a gentle meeting of lips, followed by the gradual unfolding of my arms, allowing him to pull me closer, safely held in the circle of his comforting embrace. Merciful Kalahira, would I ever have missed this.

We broke apart slowly, eyes still shut, foreheads pressed together. His hand cupped the sides of my face again, and he sighed softly before opening up to look at me. “You’re not a woman,” he sighed, with a soft, fond, crooked half-smile, the one that still made my heart skip beats. “You’re a storm with skin.”

I leaned forward again, caught his lips up in a gentle kiss, pressing just a little harder, nibbling along his lower lip and pawing at his duty shirt, tugging it up until it was untucked. I dragged my fingertips down his stomach, feeling the firmness and the coarse trail of hair pointing down. His hands pushed at my coat until I shrugged it off, let it fall to the floor behind me, until I yanked on his collar, bringing him down with me, softening the fall with a wash of biotics. He sat up quickly, leaned back to tug off my boots, shifting forward for the button on my pants, yanking them down to my knees before patting the side of my hip. “Turn over.”

With a suppressed shiver of excitement, I did as he said, stretched out one leg at a time while he peeled my pants the rest of the way off, tossed them away and laid his hands on either side of my hips, stroking a few times before pulling on my underwear and getting that off of me too. My breath caught when I heard the sound of his zipper, and then his fingers dipping between my thighs, testing the moisture there. “Holy _hell,_ ” he exhaled, sucked the ample wetness from his fingers, judging by the next sound I heard. “You’re ready for this. You were away for _two days,_ you minx.” His hand came down, lightly, on my ass. The whimper that shivered out of me didn’t escape him. He paused, and leaned around me to try and get a glimpse at my face. “You like that?” He tried it again, harder this time, and I jumped, reddened, and avoided his eyes, searching my reaction in the peripherals of my vision.

“Oh, _nothing_ to be embarrassed about, babe,” he breathed, thickly, inhaling deeply. “Nothing.” The head of his cock nudged at my entrance, almost smarting with the need for him, all of the adrenaline from Omega rushing back, leaving me almost shaking where I sat on my hands and elbows, trembling with anticipation. “If that’s what you want, I’ll give it to you.” His hand petted, gently, over my hip. “How do you want it?”

“Jeff, _fuck_ me,” I almost snarled, shivering, my joints feeling like they were made of jelly, nipples hardening against the fabric of my bra.

“If you insist,” he murmured, pushing in, driving the breath out of me with the searing, perfect stretch. He gave me barely a second to adjust before setting an unforgiving pace, hips pistoning in and out like a well-oiled machine, who the _fuck_ had ever written him off as bad at sex-

 A _loud_ fucking moan was torn from my throat when his hand came down on my rear- fucking _hell,_ I was getting a target inked there and no one could convince me otherwise- loud enough that anyone on the other end would know exactly who was up to what, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. In fact, I hissed through my teeth, slammed a hand down onto the paneling, “ _Harder._ ”

The way Jeff was pounding into me could probably be described by nothing less than brutal (I felt that if some more willowy-looking girl like, say, Paxton, were to be drilled like this she might just be ripped in half) but it was too much and not enough all at once. I was burning hot and icy cold at the same time, gasping against the onslaught but shoving back for all I was worth, sweat sticking the hair to my forehead, core muscles tightening in a warning of the inevitable, fingers clenching in on themselves atop the deck, so hard they were nearly cramping. “ _Fuck_ ,” I spat, eyes squeezing shut, teeth clenching. Jeff, too, was faltering, thrusts coming more erratically- he’d given up the spanking and was simply grabbing onto my ass now, probably leaving bruises where his fingers were digging in so hard. “I’m gonna-”

He came a split second before I did- it was probably him spilling over inside of me that tipped me over the edge, shuddering and sliding slowly down to the decks, the coat softening the landing a little bit. Jeff settled down over me, setting his chin down between my shoulderblades. A brief silence passed us by, broken only by the humming of the drive core and the heavy breath of us both, recovering from the intensity of the past few minutes. It was Jeff who spoke: “So…hiding a kinky side from me, are we?”

“I never _hid_ it,” I sighed. “You just…never asked.”

“Can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re _so_ full of shit.”

“Well, I’ll make it even and say now, let’s go to bed. I’m too old to be sleeping on the decks.”

“Too old?” he scoffed at me, getting up and giving me his hand up, passing me my underwear and my pants, picking up my boots to pass off to me next. “Tell me, which one of us is over thirty?” he gave me my shoes, and hit the unlock for the door as I bent for my coat.

“And which one just had sex with his shirt untucked and his zipper down?” I shot back. “Didn’t even take the damn hat off, you fucking high schooler. Come on. Bed.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.”

“Zip up your pants, flyboy.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he grinned at me, tongue poking out from his teeth as he followed me down the CIC, along the short way to my- _our,_ and wasn’t that a sweet word- room.

“Put that thing back in your mouth,” I warned him, “Or I’ll come over there and bite it.”

Taunting me, he stuck his tongue back out, just as we stepped over the threshold. “I’d rather you sat on it, babe.”

Dropping my boots, I shoved him onto the bed and locked the door behind me. Commander Holier-Than-Thou and her lecture could wait until the morning.


	3. Black as Hell, Red as Blood, White as Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have another chapter, folks! Belongs to Bioware, of course. This chapter opens up the new themes for the end of all things, and a little spot of bright happiness in the dark. Enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> [3.II Poster: The Black Swan](http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/333/f/4/3_ii_poster_by_vigilante_archangel-d6w38fm.png)
> 
>  
> 
> PS: Stay tuned to the end of the chapter for a _very_ special announcement!

_Bastard-born,_ the shadow hissed, _into your own destiny. My fault, my fault._ The thing was black, with two glowing red eyes.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked it. The thing spoke like a disturbing mix of the men I had called father, a careless jumble of elegant prose and shorthand jargon.

 _All of the work, none of the credit, the crucial piece always overlooked._ The eyes seemed to bear straight into me. _All of the talents, none of the respect that should be afforded someone so capable. Your name would belong in history, sat you not in the shadow of she who snatched your glory from the cradle._

“I don’t understand you,” I growled. “You’re not making any sense. Get away from me!”

 _Thief,_ it hissed, strafing back in the ash we stood on. It rose into the air in the thing’s wake, a cacophony of black and white and glowing red embers. _Supplanter. My fault, my fault._

“Yeah, I _got_ that. What is it that’s your fault?”

The thing was silent.

“ _TELL ME_!” I roared.

There was a silence, before the thing replied. _You are the black swan,_ it told me. _You will deliver this universe, but few will thank you for it._

There was a sudden burning that erupted all over my body, searing rifts that seemed to open in my skin, glowing fire-red. I screamed with the pain, staggering, the whisper _black swan_ all around me- I brought my shaking arm up to one of the glowing orange lines, and just as my fingers touched it, black feathers poured out, jetting into the sky, rushing out of me, my eyes, my mouth, choking me, drowning out my screams.

I woke up still screaming at the top of my lungs, someone shaking me almost violently. “Glenn,” I suddenly recognized Jeff wiggling my arm, hovering worriedly over me. “ _Glenn,_ ” he repeated, loudly, over my continued shrieking, as I ran out of air and it slowly died down. “Glenn- oh my-” I looked to him, eyes wide, panting, the sheets sticking to me with sweat. “No, don’t- oh my God. Oh my God, d-don’t…don’t move, stay there, stay-” he looked to the ceiling, half-tumbled from the bed, shouting to the metal above us. “EDI! EDI, get the doc. Get her now.” Maybe it was the stress, or maybe it was the continuing overload from my brain, but I passed out a moment later.

I didn’t remember waking up in the med-bay, but the next thing I recalled was Chakwas reading diagnostics off of a datapad while I sat on one of the exam tables, legs hanging off of the side. Jeff was sitting worriedly nearby, in the doctor’s office chair.

“These are cybernetic implants,” the doctor read off. “Not dissimilar to the ones Shepard has. In fact, extremely similar.”

“How would we not know, though?” Jeff spoke. I was still sitting there, numbed with the shock. “Don’t our medical scanners pick up on those?”

“The Commander’s internal organs, bones, brain function- are all maintained by machinery,” the doctor replied, scrolling. “They were somewhat easier to find than Glenn’s, all they appear to be doing is holding her skin together. It also helped that I knew beforehand exactly what Shepard was working with. Cerberus gave me a full diagnostic, and you remember in the beginning how she had those scars.” Chakwas gestured at me. “Almost exactly like these. By the time you came onboard, Glenn, they had nearly healed.”

I blinked. “So…it’s Cerberus tech, then, that seems almost certain. The patterns are the same, the fact I didn’t know they were there- it was clearly something my father did. I’m sure if I looked far enough through his project notes, I’d come across something like this.”

“Why would you need dermal implants, though?” Jeff was frowning at me.

“Recombining the DNA of two different species is hardly smooth,” I said. “It’s entirely likely that the genes hadn’t been fully accepted, or that they weren’t mixing quite well enough. He would’ve introduced implants to smooth things over, help them along.”

“You’re fine now,” he gestured vaguely at all of me.

“Of course,” I replied. “I’ve had nearly twenty-eight years now to adjust to my genotype. These opening up, though…it has to be a reaction to something.”

“And I think I know,” Chakwas spoke, from the monitor attached to my table. “Your metabolic scans are reading high stress levels, elevated blood pressure…there are certain readings here that worry me, you’re exhibiting several early warning signs of depression.”

“I feel fine,” I replied.

“Mm,” the doctor said, and took a note.

I sighed, tempestuously. “Look. I’m in bad shape, we all are. There’s a war on, if you hadn’t noticed. Am I stressed? Yeah, when we could see Harbinger out our portside window any moment, I’m stressed. I still have identity issues; I’ve suddenly got family to worry about and progeny to provide for. A lot on my mind.”

“Progeny,” Joker repeated, quietly. He thought a moment, brow furrowed, before he recalled, “Right, you…said something about a daughter on Omega. With your ex.”

“She’s just a kid,” I muttered. “Hell, my _sister’s_ just a kid, and yet _she’s_ having a kid. Meanwhile, our commander’s cracking; don’t bother denying that, and all the people I care about seem to be dying around me without me being able to do a damn thing to stop it.”

The doctor observed me a moment, before nodding. “Quite as I expected,” she said. “You’re suffering from a negative outlook.”

I raised my eyebrows, which bunched up the bright scar above it now. “I’ve always been a pessimist, Doc, I can’t be Shepard.”

“Shepard’s optimism is what has healed her scars,” the doctor waved her tablet pen at me. “With the current attitude you’re sporting, they’ll only get worse.”

I turned to look into the mirror I’d been given, examined my reflection, blinking. In the bright light of the med bay, it didn’t look too bad, but Jeff had told me that in the dark of our room, I’d been glowing red-orange, more orange in the scars, more red in the eyes. Maybe this was my penance, for wondering why I’d never looked the freak show I felt.

“Optimistic thoughts will heal the scars,” the doctor went on, “while a more…negative outlook will deepen them. The choice is ultimately-”

I sighed, loudly, cutting her off. She shot me an irritated glance, but got the message. “Alternatively, there is surgery that will heal them permanently. You’ll be rid of them for good.”

She handed me the datapad and I read over the procedure. Cerberus-developed (of course), completely safe (good to know)…50,000 units of platinum.

 I hesitated. Looked at my reflection- then I shook my head. “No. No, absolutely not. There’s a war on, there’s much better places to be sending those resources. I won’t hear it. I’ll deal with looking like Frankenstein’s monster, thank you very much.” I shoved the datapad back at the doctor, slid off the table, and started back out the door. “Good night, Doc.”

Halfway to the lift, Jeff caught up with me. “Glenn. Babe, hey.” He half-jogged up to me, taking my hand. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” I said, shortly. “I’m fine.”

“You’re sure.”

“ _Damn_ sure, now will you please drop it?” I hadn’t meant to snap at him, and I deflated as soon as he’d quieted. “Sorry,” I muttered, getting into the elevator. “Just…”

“Stress,” he repeated.

“Yeah,” I sighed.

We rode most of the rest of the way up to the CIC in silence. He still had my hand, and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles as we rose.

“I’ll wear a ski mask to bed,” I spoke, finally. “To…to cover up the glowing or whatever.”

Jeff sighed. “Glenn, it’s not the scars that worry me. I don’t give a rip about the scars. I’m just worried about what the doc said. You’re struggling with a lot right now and…”

“And what?” I challenged. “You don’t think I can handle it?”

“No,” he replied, “I just…you don’t have to deal with all of this by yourself. We all have family we’re worrying about, but…it’s a bit out of reach. It sounds like you did all you could for…your daughter,” he said it like the combination of words felt strange in his mouth.

Another silence.

“Can’t imagine going to visit her after the war,” he started to chuckle. “What the hell do you introduce me as? Step-human?”

“I probably won’t see her again,” I said, softly. When Jeff looked at me, questioning, I explained. “Her mother made it fairly clear that she doesn’t want me in her life. I’m…too dangerous.”

“Yeah, but you’re her mom too, aren’t you? And one day she’ll be old enough to decide that for herself.”

“Her father,” I corrected. Jeff frowned. “Asari concept, conceiving partner is the mother, the other is the- and, ah, yes. Yes, that’s correct, the next part. Still…” I sighed.

Jeff swayed a little closer, leaning against my arm, cheek lit by the glowing slash that cleaved my tattoo of the letter omega in two. “I’ll take you to meet my family, then. When this is all over we’ll go to Tiptree. I bet a half an hour after you meet Hilary you guys’ll be acting like you’ve been sisters your whole life.”

I chuckled, but it did make me smile a bit. “Women only call each other that after they’ve called each other many other names first.”

“Psh,” he waved his other hand. “Cross that bridge when we come to it. Forget about my dad, he’ll love you.”

“You’re sure?” I asked.

He nodded, like it was a forgone conclusion. “Absolutely. At this point he’d probably approve my marriage to any woman who puts up with my shit.”

I looked down at him, quietly, and slowly he frowned, trying to figure it out what it was he’d said. “What?”

“Did you say marriage?”

His eyes went comically wide, mouth opening into a small ‘o’. “Uh. Uh, did I? It must’ve, ah…slipped out. Comics are inherent dreamers, ah, planners…did I say marriage? I meant-”

I shut him up with a kiss, pulling him forward by the fabric of the t-shirt he’d thrown on. After a moment, I let him go, and he blinked a few times, recollecting his thoughts before looking up at me and saying earnestly, “Y-yeah. Yeah. I said marriage. I mean, I kind of knew I was screwed way back when my dreams ceased to involve you and I in some sexual situation and then it was just…waking up with you. Living with you. Watching you be grumpy in the mornings, do that…that thing with your eyebrows when you read.” I frowned, brows furrowing into a crinkle in the center. “Home somewhere, you know, where my socks end up in your laundry and you sleep on the other side of the bed…that’s when I really knew I was fucked, because of all the other people I ever really wanted I…I never thought about what it would be like sleeping next to them. Holding them, and…” he took a deep breath. “It’s only gotten to be more since then, like, you kissed me and then you kept me around even _after_ probability of certain death, so I figured we had a chance. Before the whole thing with Liara, and Bahak, and getting separated, I thought about taking you home. I was already pretty sure that I…that you were it. My…soul mate. Gah, that sounds horrible. Cliché. Ugh. Look, I…I love you more than anything else in the world. And when this is all over, when we finish beating the Reapers, I want to settle down with you, and get married, and have kids.” He reached down and took both my hands. “I never wanted to be a dad until I met you. As far as I’m concerned, you’re already my wife.”

“Wife?” I mused.

“Well, we have all the marks of a married couple,” he said. “Y’know. Arguing over stupid shit that doesn’t really matter in the end. Like metaphysical speculations. Flirting with other people in front of each other. Sometimes we go to bed and we don’t even have sex, that’s the big one.”

“You carry my knickers around in your pocket,” I deadpanned. “Is that typical married couple behavior?”

“Psh, there’s no manual.”

“You were just describing our so-called uniform behavior, darling, make up your mind.”

“I did,” he said, a dopey, smitten smile covering his face. “I chose you…” he kept both of my hands, and carefully lowered himself to one knee with a slight grunt. “-a long time ago.”

“Jeff…” I whispered, as he pulled a ring out of the pocket of the pants he’d thrown on, the pair he’d been wearing yesterday- I had actually _seen_ it before, and now I cursed myself for not suspecting anything that day on the Presidium, when I’d stopped to ogle the Normandy Blue and he’d told me to head to the café ahead of him-

“Glenn, you beautiful gorgeous snarky commandant of a woman,” he said, “Will you marry me?”

I had to take a moment to blink back tears. Could I have ever seen this in my future? Marriage and little blue girls had been almost a joke with Nanra, a sarcastic quip, ‘but of _course_ we’ll leave Omega, it’s ever so easy to do so. Doesn’t everyone?’ Jeff- darling, sweet, sarcastic, cocksure Jeff, who never liked to appear anything but certain, was now gazing up at me with his soul laid bare, hanging on my answer- who had helped me when no one else would, stuck around when the going got tough, waited for me until I was ready to take him, or take him back. He’d told me he would wait forever if he had to. Luckily, for the both of us, I wasn’t so longevically inclined.

Turning my head to scrub the tears off on my shoulder, I sniffled once, and told him, “You silly bastard, of course I will.” He stood up, and we kissed, arms tightly around each other, until a sudden sniff from the door interrupted us.

We turned to see the CIC- and directly before us, a tearful Samantha Traynor, with her hands clasped in front of her, her eyes glimmering as she sniffled.

“That was beautiful,” she said. “Absolutely beautiful. Oh, when’s the wedding?”

I blinked. “Well, I don’t know,” I confessed, “I only just got engaged.”

“Let me see the ring,” Samantha sniffed again, and I held out the hand that Jeff had fumbled the blue rock onto, let the comms specialist examine it. “Oh, it’s beautiful. He has good taste.”

“Yes he does.”

Samantha stepped back; let us exit to our room. “I just…I am _so_ happy for you two.” She stepped into the lift.

I blinked. Jeff looked to me. “All over the ship by tomorrow morning?”

“Most likely.”

He sighed happily, smiled, squeezed my hand. “Can’t wait.”

I shoved him towards the door. “Well, get on it, then. I haven’t had my wild fiancé sex yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very excited to announce the new series _One Equal Temper of Heroic Hearts_ , set in BioWare's other most beloved universe, Dragon Age. The stories will be carried out in a more episodic fashion. In my canon-divergent trend, _Temper_ will star two wardens, Amell and Cousland, as they fight against the Blight. _Temper_ should begin soon, with the first installment **Amell's Betrayal** or **Cousland's Vengeance**.
> 
> Below, we have the first art of our two wardens.  
>  _Note_ : Concepts for Cousland are not yet solidified, and may change significantly before being finalized.
> 
> [Amell](http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/333/a/c/amell_by_vigilante_archangel-d6w3e45.png)
> 
> [Cousland](http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/334/d/0/cousland_promo_by_vigilante_archangel-d6w8ew1.png)


	4. A Reminder of the Friends in the Field and the Thousands in the Trenches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last, an update! I've been unbearably busy with exams lately, and some other things, but I'm in a bit of a lull now, so I've managed to finish a chapter and get it out to you guys!
> 
> So, of course, it belongs to BioWare and all that- please enjoy the first chapter of the new year. :)
> 
> I would also urge everyone to take a look at my Lord of the Rings fic, if they would- [Volume I: The Fellowship of the Ring](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1101892/chapters/2216359). LotR was basically my first fandom and means a lot to me- I've written quite a few stories over the years set in Middle-Earth, but now I finally feel like I could do it justice. Feel free to check it out, and don't forget to subscribe to Amell's Promise and A Matter of Trust (if you haven't already) for new stuff coming out when I can manage it.
> 
> Enjoy!

I didn’t wake up until late the next morning. The _Normandy_ was still in dry docks, I knew that much from the quiet of the drive core. In fact, it was almost eerily quiet. Maybe that was what had woken me up in the first place.

It wasn’t until I sat up that I felt the arm wrapped around my middle- I looked down beside me to see Jeff, curled mostly around a pillow, still snoozing. I smiled, reclined again, onto my side this time, and planted a soft kiss on his temple. He stirred slightly, at that, making a muffled noise and burrowing farther into the fabric.

 _Oh, I know, if I could stay here with you forever…_ briefly running my fingers through his tousled locks, I slipped from his grasp and crossed our quarters to power on my monitor. What I saw made my mouth press thinly together. Another incursion on the outer Council space front. Our soldiers, though brave as anyone could ask, were being slowly but surely pushed back by the Reapers. I sat down on the office chair, bracing my elbows and putting my face in my hands, breathing slowly in and out. _How many people are dying while I sit here, safe with the one I love? How many people are going to wait for someone who never comes back?_

The sheets rustled back on the bed, and I heard a soft intake of breath, a sigh, and then a brief silence.

“What are you doing all the way over there?” Jeff called, softly. I lifted my head, exhaling slowly, and turned back to him, offering the best smile I could, under the circumstances.

He was propped up on his elbows, looking at me with sleep-bleary eyes and a slightly concerned face. “Come back over here,” he murmured, and I did, too ready to walk away from the numbers.

He wrapped his arms around me as soon as I climbed back in, kissed the top of my head. “Good morning, fiancée,” he said, into my hair- and that made me smile, despite myself, reaching up and taking one of his hands.

“When _is_ the wedding?” I questioned, rehashing the question from last night. “We ought to find that out, since everyone is going to be asking-”

“And we can talk that through,” he spoke, before I could finish, looking at me as I lifted my head from where I had been resting it on his collarbone, met his eyes and leaned down for a kiss. “I’m good at multi-tasking,” he said, muffled against my lips, though we had to break to allow him to tug my shirt up and off of me.

“That you are,” I agreed, in a hushed voice, as we rolled over, and fought off my bottoms.

“I’m thinking on the beach,” he said, his thumb stroking over my cheekbone, gently smoothing over one of the gnarled lines of my new scars. “In the summer-” the last word came out stuttered, as he entered me, pushed me slowly into the mattress. “-when the ocean looks like diamonds.”

 _Thane,_ I thought, with a pang, and then moaned softly when Jeff thrust into me, slow, deep. “Or maybe the autumn,” I whispered, amid the soft pants for breath. “Wouldn’t want you to… _ah_ , burn.”

“Yeah,” he grinned, wryly, pushing in again, making us both gasp. “After we take Earth back,” he said. “You and I will get married on the beach. In the fall. When the water’s still warm…”

“Which beach?” I asked, breathlessly, fixated on his words, his voice, a tingling starting at the base of my spine and at the tips of my toes.

He leaned down, our noses touching, until we were breathing the same air. “Normandy,” he whispered. “Where else?”

What I said came out half-sob, half-laugh, and I beamed at him through blurry eyes. “Of course,” I murmured, before oblivion took me, and he held me through it, mouth opening against my temple when he found his completion too.

We laid there for a few long moments, holding onto each other in silence, his only motions to card his hands through my hair and kiss away the occasional tears that slid from the corners of my eyes.

“When the war’s over,” I said, at last.

He kissed my forehead. “We’re gonna win it, babe,” he said. “You’re gonna beat the Reapers so hard they’re gonna regret they were ever programmed.”

“I wish I had your certainty.”

His fingers stroked over my cheek. “The only thing that keeps me sane through all of this is knowing that you’re gonna be right there at the end,” he said. “Waiting for me. And we’ll always find each other.”

I closed my eyes for a long time, and when I at last opened them, I said, “We should probably get up.”

“Sometime this day cycle,” he agreed, rolling aside to let me up. I slid from the bed, and opened my drawers to begin getting dressed. He moved to the other side, and started to do the same (he’d moved his things in here; it was actually starting to feel like a shared living space). I hit the lights, went to pin my hair up in the small mirror that hung on the inside of my closet, grimacing at the scars that stared back at me, ugly and gnarled.

“ _Good morning, Glenn,_ ” said EDI, pleasantly. “ _And Jeff._ ”

“Morning, EDI,” I responded, as best I could with a mouthful of bobby pins. Jeff just stuck his cap on over his bedhead.

“ _The Commander left to deal with a matter brought to her attention by Citadel Security. She instructed me to leave a message for you indicating that you should meet her at the refugee docks when it was convenient._ ”

“Right,” I said, finishing with my hair. “Thanks, EDI. Will do.” I’d been looking at the ceiling while talking to her, an acquired habit, but when I looked back into the mirror I frowned. I tilted my head, loath to mess up the hair I’d just gotten so- but there it was, unmistakable- amid the familiar brown of my hair, there were streaks of silver, clustered at my temples. And there were definite lines on my brow, at the corners of my mouth. Had they been there before? And was I imagining just how dark those circles were?

“Anything wrong, babe?” Jeff asked, and I turned abruptly around. “No, no, just…thinking about a haircut, maybe.”

Jeff tilted his head, narrowed his eyes, appraising me, and shrugged. “I’d think you were cute either way.”

I smiled. “So long as you don’t shave,” I said, tilting his chin up for a kiss as I passed by. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, while I stay here and field all the wedding questions?” he called, after me.

“I’ll be back later,” I retorted, “Keep your panties on.”

He stuck his tongue out at me, and I did the same, before I was out of range, onto the CIC, heading for the airlock.

I moved through the Citadel’s crowds seamlessly, found the lift that would take me down to the refugee docks. Once there, I slid through the crowds (there were more and more every time I came here), and headed back towards the end, where Charlie’s tracker was showing her. Before I could get there, however, I heard a familiar voice talking, stopped dead in my tracks, and looked around. And sure enough, not a few feet from me, stood Jen Tomcat Bond, talking to an old, grizzled turian in the South African accent I knew too well.

“Jen,” I said, then, “Tomcat,” louder. She paused, turned, and her jaw dropped. “Kid!” she dashed up to me, and pulled me into a tight hug, stepping back to look me over. “Bloody hell,” she murmured, “you look like you’ve gotten ten years older.” She didn’t allow me to dwell on that, instead took my face between both her hands, leathery from age and gun use. “Where have you been? Word came along the grapevine you were back on Omega.”

“For a time,” I replied. “Just long enough to shake off the Cerberus occupation. What about you? I looked everywhere, but even the Shadow Broker couldn’t tell me where you were.”

Tomcat paused, cracked a soft smile- she was perhaps one of the few living souls to know that Liara was the Shadow Broker, outside of the current crew. “Zaeed and I didn’t want to be found,” she said. “We’ve been taking jobs. Trying to hit Cerberus when we can. We’ve both got a sore spot with them, but it’s nothing I can explain in a hurry. Then, maybe a week ago, we ran into Shepard again. A bit of business with a volus ambassador, we called in a few favors, and the long and short of it’s that we’ve got a team. We’re fighting on the front lines now, going where we’re needed.”

I nodded. “Is Zaeed here?” I asked.

She nodded. “Over there,” she pointed, and I saw him sitting on a crate, in the midst of a gaggle of scruffy refugee children, apparently telling them a story. Jessie, the old rifle, was perched up on his lap.

Tomcat chuckled softly, murmured, “Look at him.” I looked briefly to her, then back at him. She shook her head. “That Zaeed Massani. Puzzle of a man…you know, half the time, when we're at one hospital or another, across the galaxy…he's in there with the kids. He's not half bad with them kids. He tells them…stories, about all his adventures.”

I turned to her again, an eyebrow cocked. She rolled her eyes, waving a dismissive hand. “…somewhat censored, of course.”

“Right,” I said, wondering if her definition of ‘censored’ was equated to mine.

She sighed, still watching him, with a slight smile. “You know, I'd always wondered… you know. Why he said…all the things he said. Before the Omega-4.” I looked to her, now, as she recounted it all. “Figured he was only half-serious, preparing to die, looking for some masculine reaffirmation on the way out. Then he came back alive, and…well, he was still interested.” She shook her head again. “Enigma.” A beat. “Fucker.”

I smiled. At least I could count on Jen Bond being herself.

Another moment passed by, before she asked me, “How's Blue?”

“Doing well,” I replied. “Settling into the job admirably.”

“Her drell friend?”

“One of her top agents.”

“Good.” She turned back to Zaeed. “Good. Your helmsman treating you right?”

“Yeah,” I said, deciding to give her the short version. “We had a bit of a falling-out…before.” She looked to me, frowning suspiciously, but I assured her: “It's all right now. We figured it out. Talked it through.” I showed her my hand.

She took it, eyeballing my ring with a wide eye. “Holy shit. That’s a hell of a rock.”

“Yeah,” I said, unable to stop my smile widening. “It’s still sinking in.”

She let my hand go, folded her arms. “Well; good. He screws with you; I'll come and kick his fragile ass right out the airlock.”

“Good thing you didn't turn up a few weeks ago,” I chuckled, “might've taken you up on the offer.”

“But you're past it now?” she asked me.

“Yeah.”

“Good,” she nodded. “If your relationship can stand up to that kind of test, I'd say you're doing pretty well.”

I nodded. “It's good to see you again. Been through a lot of brimstone and fire lately. Friendly faces…mean a lot right now.”

“True that.” She nodded, with a sigh. “Seems like I'm only seeing the worst of it nowadays. Keep thinking of Earth…keep thinking of Cape Town. Wonder if it'll even be there… if I'll even see it again.”

I put a hand on her shoulder. “We're gonna take Earth back, Jen. We're gonna kick the Reapers straight to hell.” She looked at me, uncertain for perhaps the first time (that I’d seen.) “Then I'm gonna find you a waterfront property for you and Zaeed to raise trained killers in.” I offered a smile. “What do you wager they pop out holding; a rifle or a shotgun?”

She laughed. “You really think so?”

“I know so,” I said. _I have to, for your sake and everyone’s._ “A lot of people say it's impossible…well, they said getting the turians and the krogan to work together was impossible. Charles? She's built a career on the impossible.”

Jen wasn’t buying it, was looking at me suspiciously with her eyes narrowed. “What's up with the face, kid?” she asked.

I blinked, and then turned aside. “Just…she hasn't been herself lately. The Commander, I mean. I think the stress is wearing her thin.” It wasn’t a lie, not really.

“It'd wear anyone thin,” she remarked, still watching me.

“She's not your ordinary Jane Doe,” I pressed on, my other worries coming out in spite of myself. “I think…Thane's death hit her pretty hard. Harder than most. When that assassin put the blade in his gut- when the end came out his back red- that was the only time I've ever seen her fall apart under fire like that. I…she's got this, I know. She's still there, just…maybe not all the way.”

“She's gotta know what's riding on this.”

“I know. And she does. Lucidly. Her two cents is still in it; for everyone, everything that's at risk. But…it's different now. On a personal level…” I shook my head. “Well, that's just it, her heart's not in it on a personal level. She's fighting for the galaxy now, for everyone else. Not for herself.” I turned, with a sigh, leaned on the rail separating us from the glass that showed the ships docking outside.

“You're meaning you don't think she's concerned for her own life anymore?” Jen followed me, mirroring my posture.

“As far as galactic peace goes; yes.” I sighed. “It’s difficult to explain, she…she knows how important she is to hold us all together. She'll see this to the end.” I pushed off the rail, turned back around and folded my arms. “But when we defeat the Reapers…when this all is over, well… her own personal goals have shifted. I think she wants to find that assassin and let him die very slowly. Then…well. I don't know, then. I don't think she does either.” I closed my eyes, letting out a slow breath.

“She just lost someone she loved,” said Jen, coming up behind me. “And losing someone like that can…” she sighed. “It can get you…lost.” She looked across the way, again, at Zaeed, engrossed in his story. “A few months ago I was running solo. Now, I can't imagine…”

I didn’t say anything; was thinking too hard, too far inside my own head.

At last, she broke the silence. “The wound's still raw. Wanting revenge…hell. Zaeed chased Santiago for twenty-three years, and all he ever did was put a bullet in his head. She'll be angry. Give it time to heal; things might change.”

“They just might,” I said, my voice soft. _And I hope to the gods they do._ I looked across the way, where Zaeed seemed to be finishing the exciting recount of his adventure.

“You want to talk to him?” Jen asked.

I thought for a moment, before I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, for a little bit. I've got to meet Charlie here, and I’ve probably already stayed too long.”

“What's up now?” she asked.

“Something about old batarian diplomatic codes being used for things. Shutting off life support in Huerta, pulling food and medical supply shipments. Stuff like that.”

“Someone’s screwing around in the middle of a war?” Jen scowled.

I shrugged. “Best of times, worst of times.”

She shook her head. “Yeah. Damn. Well, good luck with that.”

“Thanks,” I said. “And you and your team take care. Keep fighting the good fight.”

“We will,” she said, and then she paused. “Take care, kid.” She hugged me once more, tight, and then she let me go. We hesitated, held eyes for a moment, and then I left her, walked down to where Zaeed sat. He didn’t see me coming, too busy talking to the kids.

“Zaeed,” I said, when I had reached him. “Got a minute?”

He looked up with a start, his eyes widening momentarily. “For you,” he said, standing, following me out of the vicinity of the children. “Almost didn’t recognize you in the uniform. So you and Shepard. Off being big godam heroes again? Ha.”

I heaved another sigh. “Yeah… a lot more politics involved, this time around. I miss the old days; when we could just land and shoot up a ton of Blood Pack; call it a win.”

He chuckled, darkly. “I hear that. These front lines are godam brutal. Jenny and I and the rest, we're doing what we can. Freeing supply lines, recon strikes, unit support, requisitions. Whatever helps.”

“Well, you're fighting the good fight, Massani,” I said. “We haven't forgotten the trenches. Good to know they have you on their sides.” I smiled. “Reapers won't even know what hit 'em.”

“Ha!” he barked out a laugh, “Was just telling the kids about the time we got pinned- _five_ godam brutes, and nowhere to go. Garner pulled this neat little trick, yanked 'em all up in the air, and disabled whatever holds ‘em together. After that it was a godam turkey shoot. Their implants fried, the mixed acids starting giving 'em grief, and they fell. Fell hard. Big bastards.”

“I know,” I said, “Ran into a few now and again.”

He shook his head. “Run into any of the rest of the team?”

“A few,” I said, “Garrus is with us now.”

“‘Course he is,” he snorted. “Pax Shepard is there, right?”

“Of course,” I replied, with a grin.

“Aye,” he said, “Any others?”

“Well, Miranda's on the run from Cerberus,” I started counting off on my hands. “More trouble with her sister, apparently. Grunt's got his own company now; we ran into him not a while back. You could probably visit him again at the hospital if you had the chance. Jack's got a teaching gig at Grissom Academy; Kasumi's working on the Crucible project now. Which you know nothing about, because I didn't tell you.”

“I see,” he said, with a crooked grin, tapping at the side of his nose.

“Thane _was…_ staying here in the hospital…” I trailed off, trying not to let my voice shake on the words. “He died defending Councilor Valern from an assassin.”

Zaeed sucked in a breath. “Oi, and how's Lottie taking it, then?”

“She's…pretty badly messed up, still.”

He shook his head, making a sympathetic noise. “Poor little sheila.”

“Yeah, and right after we lost Mordin,” I said, pausing to swallow the lump in my throat. “He…sacrificed himself on Tuchanka. To cure the genophage.”

Zaeed stopped now, looking at me. “Hey, now…just think of it, kid, every krogan that charges Reaper fodder will have him to thank.” He paused, watching me, and then he held his arms out. “Come here.” He hugged me. “Crazy salarian bastard. Would've liked to…say goodbye. We got on well enough.”

“It's…tough,” I said, into his tattooed arm. I stepped back, with a sniff. “But they died heroes…and there's a lot yet to do to make sure the sacrifices they made aren't in vain.”

“That's the spirit,” Zaeed agreed, pausing to look me over, sigh. “Jenny sure raised one hell of a tough little bitch.” He turned back to where she stood, speaking with the turian again. “I worry about her sometimes. With Earth and all, I know it's on her. She's fine most of the time, sometimes, though, she gets this look, and there's not much I can do for her.”

I thought about it, thought of Jeff that morning and how he’d refused to let uncertainty cloud my judgment. “Just…let her know you're there for her.” I put a hand on his shoulder, and he looked at me. “She cares about you. A lot. Anything coming from you, well…it means a great deal. I think what you do matters more than you know.”

He thought that over, and he nodded. “If you say so, kid.” He paused a moment, and then he told me, “Take care of everyone; all right? Give them my regards. And next herd of Reapers you mow down, tell 'em Massani sent you.”

I smiled. “Will do,” I promised. “Look after things. Look after yourself.” I paused, and then added, most seriously, “Look after her.”

“I will,” he said, tapping the spot on his breastplate that covered his heart. He started away, back for his spot, but he stopped, and he turned back to me once more. “Good hunting, Glenn.”

I nodded, and those were the last words we spoke. I turned around, and headed for the rear of the docking area, walking once more toward Charlie. I heard James cussing at one point and turned to see him playing poker with a few refugees. Rhaella saw me and waved, and I waved back. “Don’t lose the shirt, Vega,” I called, “It’s Alliance property.” He waved a dismissive hand at me, and I snorted, looking back ahead of me, freezing when I saw Charlie.

The commander, in my line of sight, was preceded by a batarian that was holding a gun level at her chest. She looked completely unimpressed, was talking to him. Slowly, I reached for my own pistol, strapped to my thigh. However, before I could so much as draw it, the batarian lowered the firearm, stormed away a few paces, and stopped to grit back in her direction without so much as turning around, “Our ships are yours.” With that, he walked away, melted into the crowds, shoved past me. “Out of my way.”

Charlie was walking slowly in my direction, features still schooled to an impasse- I jogged the rest of the way, frowning. “Are you okay, do I…should I arrest him?” I pointed back at the batarian, still moving away.

“I want a bullet in his head,” Charlie said, lowly, with a scowl. “But we’re all making sacrifices today.” At last, she looked to me. “That was Ka’hairal Balak.”

I stopped short, stared at the batarian and then her. “The _terrorist_? The one who rigged X57 to hit Terra Nova?”

“The same,” Charlie replied, grimly. “I let him go that day to save the hostages he’d taken. I’d figured we’d see each other again someday.”

“And you let him go again,” I mused.

“I had no choice,” she replied, looking grimly to me. “When the Reapers attacked, the first ones to be hit were the batarians. Their scientists, their government officials, they were all indoctrinated. They’d been trying to develop something, for revenge on humanity, so they studied the Leviathan of Dis.” She shook her head. “And when the Reapers came…”

“The defenses were dropped, their doors were flung open,” I murmured. “They just walked in.”

Charlie nodded. “He’s the highest-ranking officer left in the Hegemony. Whatever’s left of the batarian navy answers to him now. He should be dead, he should’ve died three years ago.” She sighed. “But we need every ship we can get.”

I nodded, slowly. She sighed, ran her hands through her hair, and dropped them again. I looked to her. “Is that it?”

“I got our next mission,” she replied, looking to me. “Hackett told me this morning; the quarians are sending hails from the Perseus Veil. They’re willing to talk. So…”

“We’re out to geth space, then?” I nodded. “I’ll check with the department heads when we get back. I assume you’ll want to get out there as soon as possible?”

“Yes.” She folded her arms, sighed, and dropped them, looking to me. “I’m heading out to the Presidium. My brother and sister wanted to see me there. I trust you can get back and get her ready to run?”

I snapped off a salute (they came almost naturally now), and Charlie returned. “Aye-aye, skipper. See you on the boat.” Charlie nodded, and moved off into the crowds. I watched her until she disappeared, tapped aimlessly on my thighs for a moment before I started back towards the lift. I hadn’t taken two steps before Rhaella came suddenly my way, grabbing my arm and hiding behind me almost like a kid afraid of Santa Claus. “Rhaella, what the-”

“He’s here,” she whispered.

“Who’s here?” I asked her, wondering what in the hell could make her whisper, so afraid-

Then I looked.

And I saw him.

Somewhat gently, I shook my arm free. “Don’t move,” I murmured. “Stay out of sight.”

“Glenn,” she whimpered, making a grab for my hand as I started forward, but I was already going, gathering momentum, until I was striding like I meant to fuck someone over, because I was, more than ever before in my life.

I whipped right past James Vega’s table. “ _Huesos_ , is-?” I stalked straight up to the man he’d struck up a conversation with, and punched him out.

He flew back a couple of feet, hit a stack of shipping crates and crumpled on the floor.

James got up out of his seat, as did all of the others, looking absolutely floored. “What the hell?” Vega said, and I whipped around, jabbed a finger at the middle of his chest. “I will _deal_ with you later.” I turned back around, walked the few steps to the man that was beginning to pick himself up, and snatched him up by his collar, slamming him back into the crates, putting us face to face, hissing, “You sure took your time coming back, _Daddy_.”

There was fear in his eyes- blue, they were the _exact_ same blue as mine, and I hated him for it. But then, there was something else in them, dawning comprehension, recognition.

“Mary?” he whispered.

“If you think I _answer_ to that name, you have another thing coming,” I snarled, turning and tossing him across the floor.

“Understand, I…” he groaned, struggling to get to his feet again. “Cerberus was after me… I had every intention to come back and… _ugh_ , and get you once I had lost them,” he looked back up at me, “but you were gone.”

“Cut the _crap_ ,” I muttered, striding up to him again, getting into his face, making him step back, nervous. “I know _exactly_ what happened; you dumped me off, threw my mother to Hades' dogs, and ran off to the Alliance protection program. Please, you designed me to be smart, _Daddy_ ; eventually I was going to find you out.” I shook my head, turned away, stepped back from him a few paces.

“I know everything,” I elaborated. “The experiments. The implants, Project Mentis, my mother. I- I know _every_ thing, all that there was to know about it, so _don’t-_ ” I whipped back around, advancing on him, pointing a finger at him, “- _lie_ to me anymore, tell me the goddamn truth, you _never_ meant to come back for me.” I put us face to face again, unwilling to let him walk, to _look_ away. “I was _never_ a child, to you, I was a _pawn_. _I_ was something to further your _own_ goals- and as soon as I was dangerous, you got rid of me. You left me on Omega, and you _promised_ you would come back, you _lied_ \- for _years_ , I still believed you would come back for me.” I could feel a searing pain in the scars across my face, like they were deepening, growing, _burning_. “And you didn't. Because you'd already forgotten about me. You'd forgotten about Jinore, who _loved_ you, you'd forgotten about me, your _test_ tube baby, to go have a new life, and a new family.”

“Do you think I’m _proud_ of that-?”

“ _ENOUGH_!” I spat, lifting him into another set of crates with a biotic blast. Pinning him to the metal, I took a few steps forward. “ _You_ lost your chance to atone for _any_ of this a _long_ time ago!” I forced him into the crate, harder, advancing on him. “ _You_ don’t get my forgiveness,” I growled, when I had reached them, and then I turned and threw him across the floor, accompanied by a high screeching noise and a streak of blood left as he slid across the tile.

He groaned, trying to get himself up onto his elbows as I approached him again, folding my arms and watching his attempts to right himself again.

When he looked up, there was blood trickling from a spot in his temple, matting in his hair and running down his face. His eyes widened, he croaked, “Rhaella?”

I turned, abruptly; saw Rhaella standing behind me, looking upon our father with a slight frown. “What are you doing here?” I muttered. “I told you to stay back.”

“…Rhaella, what happened-” he tried to get up again, reached for the end of a nearby chair for assistance. “Are you-?”

Rhaella looked away, her scowl deepening as she folded her arms over her swollen stomach. “It’s none of your concern.”

“I’m your _father_ ,” he retorted, at last pulling himself to his feet, reaching for her-

“You betrayed me the moment you didn't tell the truth,” she snapped, stepping back, out of his reach. “You've been betraying me all my life!” she shook her head, fists balling angrily by her sides. “And you betrayed mom, too. Did she know about what you did?” She was trembling with rage. “Were you ever really planning on bringing us with you when you escaped? Or were we expendable?”

“I’ve been looking for you for months.”

“Mom's dead,” Rhaella said, looking to the side, at the floor. “She got hit in the first wave.”

Nathan Glenn paused only a moment. “But now, I've found you,” he said, taking a shaky step forward. He stopped, looked to me, swallowing and licking his lips. “I would thank you for looking after Rhaella for me,” he said, “She can come with me now- we never have to speak again.”

My fists, while he had been talking, had clenched, shaken, begun to glow, and when he finished speaking they opened, flinging him up onto the wall and pinning them there. “I don’t _think_ so, you son of a bitch.” I stepped up to him, pulling him forward and slamming him back again. I heard a rib crack. “After everything you've done, you think you get to walk away?”

“Mary-” he groaned, grimacing in my biotic hold.

“I didn’t _keep_ the name you gave me!” I corrected him, smashing him up against the unyielding metal once more. “All these years I’ve made the mistake of hating my _self_ , and all for what? _This-_ ” I gestured along my whole body, with the free hand I had, “- _this_ is all _your FAULT_!” I slammed him again, hearing another snap and a groan that was halfway to a sob.

Not far away, a salarian clerk, _the_ salarian clerk, the same one who had refused Rhaella’s admission, pushed his way through the onlookers and called to me, “Ma’am, please cease and desist, or I will call C-Sec.”

“Go ahead and try!” I snarled, turning back to the man on the wall. He looked to Rhaella, croaked out the first syllable of her name. She scowled, and turned away.

“Is this good enough for you?” I asked him. Holding him up there was easy; I could keep him there for hours before I would have to stop. “It is what you wanted…wasn’t it?” I couldn’t help letting slip a laugh, I must’ve looked psychotic to anyone watching. “To have me supplant the Illusive Man and rule through your puppet? Your good, obedient daughter? And then you saw what Cerberus was really like, and you got scared. You ran, but you were a selfish coward that was only out for himself. That didn't change.”

“Ma’am, I _will_ call C-Sec!”

I tightened my biotic hold, zeroing in on his throat. His eyes widened in panic as he started to choke. “I shouldn't let you live,” I hissed, over the sounds of his struggle for air. “I should _crush_ you here, like you crushed me. I could do in twenty-seven seconds what you did to me in twenty-seven years.”

Then, there was a hand on my outstretched arm. I looked, and I saw Rhaella, her blue eyes, hers and mine and his. I did not bear this curse alone.

“Glenn,” she said. “Let him go. He’s not worth this.”

My hold on him loosened, and then it tightened again.

“Glenn,” she said again, and I looked at her. “Let him go.”

There was a battle, internally, for perhaps a second or two. And then, I let him go. He crashed to the floor, landed on his arm, probably broke that one too. He was too busy coughing and gasping at the sudden allowance of oxygen to notice it. Rhaella grabbed my elbow, and started to pull me towards the lift. “Come on,” she urged, “Let’s get out of here.”

I started to move, but something itched, I wasn’t ready to leave him like that. So I turned, biotic-charged him, landed straight in front of him to give a solid pistol-whip to the face. His nose broke on the impact, and he cradled that as he looked up at me, terrified, fixated on the gun in my hands.

But I didn’t give him that quick end, no. I holstered the pistol, took a deep breath in, and let it out.

“Thank you,” I said at last. He looked at me, confused.

“Thank you,” I elaborated. “For making me a stronger person.”

As I walked away, I passed by Bailey and his men, arriving on the scene: “Known Cerberus conspirator,” I said, jabbing a thumb back at him. “Nathan Glenn. I'll send you the dirt I've got on him later; should be enough for life at least.”

I stopped a moment, just to watch them pull him up, handcuff him and bear him into the car they’d called up. When he was folded into the back of the car, I muttered my last words to him: “If you even come near me again, I'll kill you.”

Later, much later, when the night cycle was falling and I was back in our quarters, and Jeff watching over the footage from earlier with a furrow in his brow, he shut it off and looked at me.

“That was…” he trailed off. “Your dad?”

I sat down on the end of the bed, replied, shortly, “Yeah.”

He shook his head. “You’re nothing like him.”

All I could really do then was let him hold me; because of everything I’d heard that day, it had been the kindest thing anyone could have said to me.


	5. Government Intrigue at Times Like This (Not Unusual, but Still Annoying)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right! Another new chapter at last. Remember, it's BioWare's, and I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> A few new chapters are already up on A Matter of Trust, so if you haven't checked that out yet, go ahead and do so.
> 
> And I'll repeat a question I asked on Trust's most recent update- which is your favorite Glenn/not Joker pairing? It's crack hour, so let no ship be too ridiculous. In turn, I'll reveal next chapter which side pairings I considered, or are/were even canon, in their own way.

My first task the next morning took me down to the cargo bay, tallying a few crates of inventory, muttering to myself as I ticked the boxes on the datapad I carried with me. The whole ship, of course, was on my ass- half of them wanting to know about the engagement, the other half secretly viewing the footage of me throwing my father around like a ragdoll and quickly closing the window when I appeared, and the rest of them on both fronts. Part of my deciding to do this now probably centered on me being by myself down in the bowels of the ship, running mediocre numbers through my head to block out any other thoughts, I’ll admit.

Unfortunately, it also had the side effect of me being subject to a back-and-forth argument between Cortez and Vega, speaking loudly back and forth from their workstations: “Driving the Mako is like maneuvering a drunk rhino. The Hammerhead floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee.”

“You mean floats like a butterfly and also stings like a butterfly. At least the Mako can take a hit.”

“Dunno, Jim,” I threw my lot in, without looking up from the ‘pad, rearranging numbers. “According to Pax Shepard, and I quote- ‘shut up, they both suck.’”

When I looked up, James Vega was rolling his eyes. “That’s just because she can’t-” he paused, and a scowl came onto his brutish face, an indignant, childish pout thrown my way. “Will you stop with the Jim?”

“Oh, sorry,” I drawled, “Would you prefer…Jimbo? I don’t have any foxy childhood crush's name to equate your entire character to.” I stalked past him, off to my next pile of crates.

“If you’ve got a problem with me, then you can go ahead and tell me,” he said, after my retreating back.

“I don’t know, maybe I’m a little pissed off you let my father that close to my sister,” I spat, turning on my heel and dishing out a ration.

“How the hell was I supposed to know who he was?” he threw his arms up, in an expression of helplessness. “He looked like every other refugee guy in that dock!”

“ _I_ might have noticed Rhaella suddenly _fleeing_ the scene like she’d just been bit on the arse,” I retorted, brows furrowing heavily, my face growing suddenly hot.

“Yeah, well, we can’t all be you,” Vega muttered, disparagingly, turning away.

“I would _fix_ your attitude, Lieutenant,” I growled. “If I were you.” I turned away from the scene, and saw something at the far end of the bay, where our practice ring had been set up. Javik was there, and as I watched, he lifted a box, slowly, let it hang for a moment, and then smashed it into the ground.

Slowly, on silent feet that I learned long ago, I approached the edge of the ring. I left the datapad on the boxes, hiked up over the edge, and folded my arms. “Brushing up?” I asked.

Javik turned to me, slowly. Of course he would have known I was coming, even at the walk that rendered me invisible to anyone else. Probably smelled me, or something. “There is value in repetition.”

“Of course.” I shrugged. “Any effective fighter knows that.”

“And any effective soldier will learn what new things he can,” he replied. “Or she,” he added, after a pause.

I lifted an eyebrow. _Development._

“Do you have a moment, Lieutenant-Commander?” he asked me, rolling his shoulders- and for the first time, I realized he was not in his clunky samurai-like armor; he had stripped down to something that looked like it probably went under, a short robe and tight pants. His feet were bare, as were his arms, and I found myself staring at the dense alien muscle, a vivid cyan green tinged with the rosettes of his eyelids, edged in the hard grey plates of his armored crown. “I wish to test these abilities now against another creature.” He glowed a faint green, and the crate he had been slamming went obediently back to sit in the pile.

I considered this. “I have a few minutes,” I replied, tugging off my gloves, reaching for the zipper at the collar of my uniform jacket and pulling it down, tossing it out of the ring and rolling my shoulders, left in just my tank. I bent to yank off my boots, and took a moment to adjust to my bare feet on the deck, initially cold. Thane’s pendant and my tags, tucked into my shirt, came off and were set neatly down on the pile, and then I turned, swinging my arms a  few times to get the blood flowing, cracking my knuckles and tossing my head to the side to do the same with my neck. “All right,” I said, “Give me your worst.”

Javik threw me a warp, but I deflected it easily, rolled to the side and fired off a shockwave that he barely managed to block. He staggered back a few paces, and sent a throw. I rolled with the motion, bounced back up onto the balls of my feet and charged him, stopping a few feet short, where the kinetic energy would send him onto his back rather than rip him in half.

“I will admit,” he groaned, shifting up onto his side and climbing slowly to his feet, while I stood a few paces back, muscles tensed, ready for his next move. “Your abilities are strong,” he hopped up, and abruptly pulled me his way. It wasn’t what I had been expecting, and I skidded forward, crashed straight into him, and went head over feet until he was pinning me to the deck. “For a primitive.” One broad arm, impossibly strong, kept me down while he spoke, proud imperial lips parting around flashes of a mouthful of sharp teeth. “You are touched by the influence of many. You would have been a prodigy among even my own people.”

For all of his strength, he hadn’t trapped my legs. “I’m sensing a ‘but’,” I told him, punching my knees into his gut and sending him up over my head, trapping him there in the air with a singularity. I rolled back up onto my feet, watching him drift helplessly in the anti-gravity sphere. Had he been my enemy, I could have fired a warp at it and ripped him to pieces, but this was only a spar. A few moments later, he dropped to the ground, and sprang onto his feet, twisting sinuously, far more flexible than his bulk would let on. “You care too much for the lives,” he told me, trying a stasis bubble, “the fates of others.” He sent me sprawling a few feet with a throw directed at the side I dodged the first attack. “You remain too concerned with those that you profess to love.” The stasis hit, this time, and he held me up, suspended in the air, approaching as he continued. “You are driven to distraction by the ones you care for.”

“Once, I only looked out for my own neck,” I replied, grabbing onto his head as the bubble popped and I went down, pulling him to the mat and grappling with his long limbs. _Once I didn’t have anyone to care for._ “That's not who I am anymore.”

“The strong survive,” he growled, looping an arm around my middle and flipping us over, holding me down by my legs this time, having learned his lesson. “The weak perish.” He grabbed both of my wrists, pushed them down, effectively forced off all resistance. “The strong grow stronger by dominating the weak,” I noted, with pride, that he was short on air. “The strong are held back by looking after the weak.”

“That's an old world view,” I replied, driving my next push into his ribs, forcing the little air he already had out of his lungs and loosening his grip, allowing me to reverse our positions once more. “The strong find their purpose in caring for the weak.”

“The Reapers will destroy you if you hesitate even a second,” he panted, harshly, beneath me, wresting an arm free and bodily shoving me in the shoulder to roll me a few feet away, enough time for him to rise and put up a barrier to shield from my next charge attack.

“I won’t,” I told him, in his face, sweeping his feet from under him and going down with a grunt when he pulled me down by my ankle. “They’re after my flock.”

“And if the day comes when your ‘flock’ stands at the edge of one precipice and the crucial battle at the other?” we wrestled for the upper hand, limbs tangling and flexing in a brutal grudge match for control. “Will you sacrifice the few for the many?” he asked me, and took advantage of my brief pause to at last pin me down and end up over. “You hesitated,” he noted.

“Well, I’ll just have to bring you with me, then?” I huffed, kneeing him in the side and delivering a solid strike to the hip, jabbing him in a pressure point and rolling away into a crouch. “You can ruthlessly pursue the end. Because you don't care-” I sent him skidding across the mat, “- _what_ it takes to get there, do you?” I strode up to him, shrugged off his biotic resistance like it was nothing, green rolling over blue and disappearing at my sides like the red sea. “Even if you're reduced to something no better than them.” I forced him down, locked his legs with my knees, forearms keeping his wrists trapped to the ground. “You forget what we’re fighting for,” I murmured, eye to four luminous, yellow eyes, tendrils of hair hanging over my forehead, a droplet of sweat trickling down the bridge of my nose.

Instantly, his whole body tensed. Somehow, he broke my grip, and rolled us over, holding me flat down to the ground in an expression of his whole strength, his biotics flaring over me in a strange, foreign rush. I couldn’t budge. “I fight for my people!” he growled, lips curling into a snarl, baring the long, sharp canines at either side of his mouth. I licked my lips, chest heaving for breath. “So there is something you care about.” I didn’t even try to move, just shook my head a little, hair catching on the mat. “Still haven't got a shred of honor, or dignity, or common decency left in you…”

“Because I have no choice,” he snarled, leaning in even closer, close enough that his labored breath fanned over my mouth. His entire body, in fact, had come closer, pressing me down, and it took me a moment to register what was pressing against my thigh. _Interesting._ “I never did,” he panted, the ragged edge still in his voice. And now I wondered if it could all be written off to anger. “And I have nothing else.”

“You’ve got us,” I replied, in a lower voice, catching his intense gaze, which had lowered to my mouth. “Shepard, Liara. She’s never stopped talking about you, you know. I know she’s bombarding you with questions, but you’re everything she's dreamed about for the better part of her life. And she’s _trying_ to be friendly, which is more than you can say.”

“Do you think I enjoy some babbling asari asking about the empire that was my home, mere months ago to me? I am not some relic to be studied,” he growled, shoving even closer up into my space, pushing the whole lengths of our bodies together. The material of his leggings was clearly thin; I could practically feel his heartbeat throbbing against my inner thigh.

“No,” I soothed, shifting my leg under him and making his breath catch. His hold loosened, and he stood, hurriedly, turning away from me and fiddling down the hem of his robe, covering up as I rolled over and clambered to my feet, less graceful with my fatigue. “I’m not to say you’re being a _complete_ asshole-” he turned back to me, glowering, corners of his mouth twisting down in the way I was more accustomed to. “But perhaps talking to her would be a start. She’s caught up in her geeky side, she probably hasn’t considered that yet, and a good way to bring it into focus would be to _tell_ that to her.” I folded my arms, and I noticed his eyes drop to my breasts before he looked away again. “Communication goes a long way.”

“…perhaps,” he murmured. “War is our sculptor…and we are prisoners to its design.” His fists clenched by his sides. “Perhaps…if times had been different…I would have been the wise scholar she wished me to be.”

 _Very interesting._ I dared a few steps closer, closing in behind him. “Doesn’t sound like the Javik I know,” I said. “Sounds like a change of heart.”

“I have not changed,” he retorted, head turning back to stare challengingly at me. I recalled Liara’s words. By his own world view, primitive as I might be, I was probably older than him. “And I will not. And certainly not on the words of some…primitive.” He shook his head, turned bodily, at last, to face me. “Pride is no commodity, it is necessity. It is all my people had left in our darkest hour.”

I shrugged slightly, dropped into fighting stance. He mirrored quickly, preparing for my attack. “Man not proud,” I said, throwing a punch that he blocked. “Man not worth knowing.”

I shifted back; relaxed again, and after a moment, he did the same. I nodded to him, briefly, catching my breath. He just blinked, lowered his eyes to the mat for a brief moment, and then back to me. “Perhaps I will consider your words,” he said, slowly. “…Glenn.” He nodded to me, in return, and hurried past me, from the ring. I didn’t move, didn’t even turn to look until I had heard the lift doors close. Only then did I go to redress, sighing and grabbing one of the towels we kept to dry off some of the sweat. Then, I put on my uniform, and strode purposefully down to the lift, inventory forgotten.

When I reached the CIC, Traynor waved me down, and pointed at something flashing on her terminal. “Liara told me to send you down her way…it’s an important matter from High Command.”

I sighed, closing my eyes and rubbing briefly at my temples. “Did she try speaking to the commander about it?”

The specialist’s sad eyes said all, and I patted her once on the back before heading back into the lift, dropping to the crew deck and going for Liara’s quarters. I waited for the protocol to open (about fifteen seconds longer than the ship’s other doors) and stepped inside. “ _Welcome back, Glenn,_ ” came Glyph’s usual greeting. I smiled and tapped a little at the info drone’s interface, almost like one would scratch behind a dog’s ears, and moved closer inside. “Liara? Traynor said you had something for me.” There was no immediate answer. “Liara?”

A rattle from near the back of the room, and she emerged, carrying a chip in her hand that was projecting the image of a rather familiar drell. “Glenn! I’m sorry, I was…looking for an OSD, and I had to dig fairly deep, got a few wires tangled up-”

“ _Dr. T’Soni insisted she was able to handle the problem_ ,” Glyph supplied.

“Good to see you again, Glenn,” said Feron, offering a smile from his projection.

I returned the gesture. “And you, Feron. How are you holding up?”

“Better than before,” he replied. “I hope the human is treating you well.”

“He is,” I said, “We’re getting married.”

He smiled, again. “Good. I’m sure he knows already he’s a lucky man.” He turned back to Liara. “I’ll get the shipments you need. My team and I will scour the Hades Nexus for those artifacts you mentioned. Feron out.”

Liara pocketed the chip as his image dissolved. She frowned at me. “You sounded…familiar, there.”

“We are,” I shared, leaning my hip on a table. “I suppose he didn’t tell you; but we knew each other on Kahje, ten years ago. We played together, fought together…” I paused, a brief smile of recollection flickering at the corners of my mouth. “…were each other’s first, if you catch my drift.” Liara turned a little bit purple, and turned to fiddle with her monitor. “Then I left, and we didn’t see each other again until I helped you rescue him from the Shadow Broker.” For a moment, we both stood in silence. “I’d always known there had been…something. Hovering, unspoken, between us, when I left. Sometimes I still wonder…if I’d met him again before I’d met Jeff, if it may have…” I shook my head. “I don’t know. Speculation is useless.”

“I had no idea,” Liara said, softly. Maybe a little hurt?

I blinked, and shrugged. “I honestly can’t tell you why I didn’t mention it then. I…slipped my mind, I suppose.” I sighed. “Never mind that, what did you have for me?”

She brought up the message on her terminal, and beckoned me over. “Asari High Command asked me to pass this on…well, to Shepard, but…” she shook her head. “They’re dealing with a difficult matter on Lesuss and the commando teams they sent in have gone dark.”

“They want us to investigate?” I asked.

“They don’t want to send another team in,” shared Liara. “They won’t give us any details, but they said it’s an important matter.”

“Of course,” I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose, muttering, “Argh, Lesuss is on the other end of the bloody galaxy, don’t they know we’ve got negotiations with the quarians…?” At Liara’s look, I sighed heavily. “Yes, I know.” Rubbing at my temple, I instructed her, “EDI, inform Traynor to tell the Migrant Fleet we’ll be arriving later than expected. Have Jeff divert to Lesuss immediately, please.”

“ _Certainly, Glenn_ ,” said EDI, and I nodded, looking back and meeting Liara’s gaze. We both sighed. “So, is Charles having a bad day, then?”

“She’s fading,” said Liara. “Some days; the commander I knew is still there. Other days…”

“She’s like a husk,” I grimaced at my poor word choice, corrected, “An empty shell. A body without a soul.” I shook my head. “Her heart died with Thane, we all know that.”

“We still have a war to win,” Liara whispered, for just a moment looking like the young maiden that I sometimes forgot she was.

“We do,” I said. “As long as Kai Leng is still alive; so does she.”

Another silence between us, and then I took a deep breath, told her, “This is an asari matter of import- I’ll want you on this team, Liara. EDI, inform John he’s heading up a mission out to Lesuss in a few hours, Liara and I are coming and the rest of the specs are up to him.”

“ _Of course._ ”

A few hours later, John gave me a quizzical sideways look as we boarded the shuttle. “Since when did you invite yourself onto my missions?”

“I didn’t _invite_ myself onto your mission, I _ordered_ you to come on it,” I retorted. “Now tell your boyfriend to hurry up, they said this mission’s urgent and we still don’t know anything about it.”

We descended into the atmosphere; John, Liara, Kaidan, Garrus, and I were all along. “Now I know why High Command was keeping this so quiet,” said Liara, reading off of her finally-declassified omni-tool. “We’re heading to an Ardat-Yakshi monastery.”

A shiver ran up my spine. “Like Morinth?”

Liara shook her head. “Morinth chose to be a killer. These asari have distanced themselves from society, to avoid that same fate. An Ardat-Yakshi’s desire to…feed…” Liara trailed off. “It can be powerful.”

“I remember,” I murmured, turning to the others. “Watch your backs. This could get dangerous in a hurry.”

Finally, Cortez brought us down planetside. “Stay low,” I told him. “Be ready to circle back when I say.” He nodded, and the door closed behind us. The Kodiak puttered away into the night, and we turned to the building. There was a door ahead, and a skycar parked nearby. My eyes narrowed.

“My IR’s reading that car is still warm,” Garrus said, hushed, to my left.

“Recent visitor?” Kaidan murmured, and I shrugged, leading the group forward to the door.

“Elevator’s burned out,” I said, forcing the doors open and flicking on my flashlight, sidling off to the maintenance walkways. Slowly, we all moved along the manual way down; clambering down ladders to bring us closer to the lower level. As we made our way, a noise sounded from lower in the building, echoing off the walls of the shaft- an unearthly, bone-chilling shriek. “What was that?” John whispered. We exchanged looks, all of us, shrugging.

“Keep moving,” I hissed, “Be on your guard.”

At last, we reached the entrance into the monastery- at my first look inside, the place proved to be dark, and completely deserted, as far as I could tell. No commandoes, no anything.

I beckoned the others inside. We progressed through the halls, and all stiffened when we heard a clatter. Before we could get too tense, however, we heard Garrus: “Sorry. Tripped.”

A soft hiss, and John muttered, “I’m never letting Paxton let you hear the end of it.” Was the only brother of the Shepards finding this place unnerving? He wasn’t the only one.

I shone my flashlight ahead, and my eyes widened. “Over here,” I said, beckoning the others over. As their light beams joined my own, the picture was complete.

“Now we know why they sent commandoes here,” Kaidan remarked. An asari in commando leathers lay on the ground in her own violet blood, next to the twisted corpse of a cannibal. I disengaged the safety lock on my SMG, and motioned to move ahead. Once Garrus signaled all clear, I moved in, and led the pack by pale light of the night, filtering in through the huge windows, through to the next door.

As soon as it opened, we were greeted by a pack of cannibals, being ripped apart at the molecular level. Their disposer turned up to us. “Very good,” she said, serenely. “I almost didn’t hear you.”

“Oh,” I said, faintly, when I at last caught sight of our company. “Of course. Mission on the side of the main objective. Former associate here already. I don’t know if I should have expected anything else.”

“Samara?” John stepped forward, recognizing the justicar. “What are you doing here?”

“My daughters have lived here for many centuries, Shepard,” she said, serenely. “And now I have come for them.”

“Right, well, there’s been no signs of life the way we came-” a rattle close to her stopped me midsentence. “I will engage them,” she said. “And I will try to meet you later. Goddess go with you.” She ducked out of sight, into an adjoining hallway.

I sighed. “Well. That’s almost everyone. Who are we missing? Tali and Legion?”

“Come on,” said John, ignoring my pondering and leading us into the next corridor. We looped through the many hallways, following the trail of violet blood and Reaper stench- ahead, I caught a flash of movement, and dashed towards it, beckoning the others after. There was a young asari, in a white gown, running from a cannibal. She tossed a biotic field at the thing, but it was weak, clearly untrained- before we could so much as lift our guns, Samara dropped in before the girl, and ripped the thing to shreds. We lowered our weapons, strode slowly to join the scene.

“Mother?” the asari looked at Samara (and indeed, I saw the resemblance, not nearly so close as Morinth’s- this girl must have favored her father, but in the shape of her face, she was all her mother). “You came.”

“As soon as I was able,” Samara replied.

“Mother, they have Rila!” the girl said. “They’re…they’re trying to turn as all into those monsters, they took her into the Great Hall!” She shook her head. “I’ve been trying to get there.”

“If the bomb’s anywhere it’s probably there,” Garrus said, and the girl turned suddenly on us, angry.

“You sound like the commandoes!” she accused. “ _They_ didn’t stop and help anyone.”

“Falere,” Samara said, warningly, in what was a very mommish tone. I’d heard it from Chakwas before.

Falere just shook her head- walked across to the balcony, and floated down with the assistance of her biotics.

“Falere!” Samara called after her, and then followed.

“We’ll get to the Great Hall,” John called down to the justicar.

“Please be swift,” she replied, and started after her daughter.

I took a look between John, Kaidan and I. “Well…couldn’t we just float too?”

Kaidan shook his head. “No, I…don’t think I’ll be learning to do that anytime soon.”

“I can.” I sighed. “I suppose I’ll stay with you three, then. Onward. On foot.”

The adjoining hallway led us out into the courtyard, and the quiet of the night.

“It’s beautiful,” Kaidan remarked, quietly. “You almost wouldn’t know the Reapers were here.”

“I know,” I replied. “And I don’t like it.”

“Palaven and Tuchanka were crawling,” Garrus whispered. “This is just…too quiet.”

“Everyone stay alert,” John said, in a hushed voice.

Moments later, a bone-chilling shriek pierced the night. My blood ran cold, like ice had frozen in my veins, and my mouth fell open at the sight that greeted us.

A towering, corrupted creature moved toward us- not by way of walking, but by biotic jumps- they weren’t loud, not like mine. By some black magic, the Reapers had neutralized the telltale _boom_ of the air racing together and then being forced apart again. The thing could’ve crept up on you, wrapped its long fingers around your neck and screamed in your face, killed you with terror, like a goddamn banshee.

“Kill it,” I said, and when they didn’t move, I barked, “ _Kill it!_ ”

That seemed to bring them to their senses, and they opened fire, spraying a continuous stream of slugs that just bounced off the barrier the creature sported- at a nod, the major and I ripped it off with a warp- at last the fire began to affect the creature, who let out another bloodcurdling scream.

“SHUT _UP_ ,” I bellowed, in reply, gathering the energy to charge.

I made impact with a _BOOM._ However, unlike anything else I’d ever hit at the speed of sound, it didn’t rip apart, it only staggered back, and then rose again to its full height, shrieking and staring down at me.

I rolled back from its swipe, and blasted it with my shotgun.

This, at last, proved to be the final straw. The banshee shrieked once more, staggering and disintegrating in a ripple of dark energy. Weakly, it screamed once more, reaching for me before it fell apart entirely.

Slowly, the others came in behind me.

“What _was_ that?” Garrus asked, as shaken as I’d ever heard him.

I swallowed, refusing to close my eyes even briefly, for fear of what I’d find beneath my eyelids. “Corrupted asari. It must have been what Falere was saying. The Reapers are turning them into their fodder.”

“That wasn’t just fodder,” John objected. Liara was simply covering her mouth, horrified.

I shook my head. “No. I’m going to have to report this to HQ. I doubt this is the only one we’re ever going to see.”

With that, we continued on through the courtyard, through the big double doors at the other end. At last, we had come to the great hall, and past the bodies of the rest of the commando team, we found Falere, kneeling before the body of another asari girl in the same white dress, Samara standing behind her. “Rila? Rila, can you hear me?”

I stepped up behind her. Samara looked briefly to us, and then back to her daughter. “She can’t hear you, Falere. She has already begun to succumb to their indoctrination.”

“That must be it,” I spoke lowly, looking at the large bundle of explosives that the girl was leaning against.

“The commandoes would have brought a detonator,” Liara replied.

“Spread out and search,” I said, and the others did so.

I turned back to the three asari, just in time to see Rila opening her eyes, and then getting to her feet.

“Rila?” Falere stepped back, to allow her sister more room. “Are you all right? Say something.”

Rila at last stood, touching her forehead, as if in pain. Then, she snarled, lunged forward, and tried to grab Falere about the throat. Jumping, I pulled one of my pistols and gave her a solid whack to the back of the neck. Her grip loosened and she fell once more.

“Why…why would she do that?” Falere asked, shaking and stepping back once more.

“The Reapers have already got her,” I said, holstering the gun. “And if we don’t get out of here they’re going to take you too.” I turned to the others. “How’s the detonator?”

“We haven’t turned it up yet,” John called back.

Letting my breath out in a hiss, my attention was once again diverted by the downed asari at our feet. “Falere?” Rila was standing up, but the hazy look wasn’t present in her gaze, and this time when Falere rushed in to hug her, Rila hugged her back.

“Falere, you have to get out of here,” Rila told her sister.

Falere pulled back to look at her, horrified. “I’m not leaving without you!” she protested.

Rila shook her head. “They’ve already taken me.” She held out her hand, opened it, and I realized she was holding the detonator. “I’ll stay, and…make sure they won’t take me alive,” she said, now to me.

I heard more shrieking, in the wings of the hall, and pulled the Locust, turning warily about, moving into kill circle with the rest of the squad.

“Hurry,” she urged us, “They’re almost here.”

“The lift,” I said, looking to the end of the hall, “Go.”

The team took off at a dead sprint, and when Falere gave no signs of following, I seized her about the middle and hauled her off after them, an act made difficult by the fact that she was struggling against me, trying to run back to her sister. “Rila! No!”

“I love you,” Rila said, her expression becoming pained as her eyes turned black and the shrieks grew louder. At last, I pulled Falere after me into the elevator, and punched the button to close the doors behind us. I let Falere go, but she met only solid metal as we soared up, up, up…

A few moments later, there was a loud _BOOM._ Falere ceased her pounding, and her head sank against the doors, as her fist came down one more time.

The lift took us all the way back up to the start- the red skycar that I realized must have been Samara’s was still parked where we had first seen it.

“I can’t believe we left her,” Falere started to rage, as soon as we fanned out of the elevator. “To die! We-”

“Falere,” Samara said, and the girl turned to her mother. “…the Code states that an Ardat-Yakshi cannot live outside a monastery that no longer exists.”

“What are you doing?” Falere was shaking profusely as Samara pulled out a gun. The rest of us tensed, eyes on the weapon.

“My daughters,” the justicar said, putting the muzzle up against her temple, “You are all so much braver than I could have imagined.” She closed her eyes, but when she went to squeeze the trigger she found my thumb trapped between the hammer, unwilling to let it fire. I yanked both her wrists, including the one with the gun, behind her back. She struggled against my grip, but as much as she may have outmatched me in biotics, I was far her superior in raw brute strength.

“Let _go_ ,” she demanded, lowly.

“ _What_ are you doing?” I hissed at her.

“Fulfilling the Code,” she retorted.

“By throwing your life away?”

“I won’t kill my last daughter!”

“You won’t have to,” now Falere spoke, and we both fell silent. I released Samara’s wrists and wrenched away her weapon.

“But the Code-” Samara began to protest.

“I could have left any time I wanted,” Falere said, folding her arms and stepping forward, with a scowl folding her features. “I don’t need a _building_ to fulfill my own Code.” She gestured at the smoking ruin of the monastery behind her. “I’ll stay here…home. Whatever’s become of it. And if the Reapers come back…they won’t take me alive.”

In that moment, I saw Samara in Falere, the determination painted over every inch of her, the steel in her spine, the calm assuredness locked into her voice.

The justicar considered her words, and at last she spoke: “Then…the Code permits you to stay. As you are.” She considered, again. “And…when the war is over, perhaps I will visit. As a justicar should.”

Falere stepped forward, and hugged her mother. Samara, stiff and unaccustomed to this outward display of affection, hesitantly returned the embrace. And I turned away, briefly counting the squad to ensure they were all still there.

“Cortez?” I patched into my earpiece. “We’re done here. Ready for extraction.”

“ _Right_ ,” he came in, acknowledging us. “ _I’ll just follow the smoke._ ”


	6. Making an Ass of Yourself (Taught Professionally by Stage Actors)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, drama ahead. Well, I've made it to the Rannoch storyline at last. Time for quarians! As usual, Bioware's not mine, and I hope everyone enjoys this new chapter...

I was immeasurably grateful when Cortez picked us up, and took us back up into orbit to the _Normandy._ “I will join the war effort soon,” Samara promised me, as I climbed up into the shuttle, and left them behind.

“Well, that was,” Garrus said, as we began to lift off. “…successful?”

“We destroyed the monastery, we got out, and we’re able to warn Command about the banshees,” I replied. “I’d call that a win.”

The rest of the ride back was quiet, until we settled into the shuttle bay and pressurized, disembarked, stripped out of our armor and turned it over to cleaning before dispersing about the ship.

“Long day?” Traynor asked me, as I returned to the CIC, in post-mission PT gear, skin still shower-damp, pulling my hair up once more.

“We’re underway for the Far Rim?” I asked, in reply. She nodded, and I nodded back with a sigh, closing my eyes and continuing on up to the helm.

“Lieutenant Moreau already checked out,” she shared, and I turned back, blinked. “Oh. Ah. Thank you.” I realized all of a sudden that it was late, and headed to our room, pulling my hair out again.

Jeff was sitting on the couch pushed against the back wall, reading off a datapad. He looked up at my entry, put the pad aside as I locked the door behind me.

“Heard it was a rough one,” he shared, patting the spot beside him.

“I might have nightmares,” I murmured, rubbing wearily on my face as I sat down there, leaning wearily back against the couch. “More than usual, I mean.”

My typical brand of sarcastic cynicism did nothing to dispel his worry, though he did pull an arm around me until my head was resting carefully on his shoulder.

“You’re practically melting,” he said. “Come on, let’s pour you into bed before you fall asleep, ‘cause I can’t lift you and I’m sure as hell not calling EDI to do it.”

Chuckling slightly, I wearily unfolded, crossed the short distance to my bed and dropped onto the soft mattress, sighing and shutting my eyes as he pulled the covers over me and kissed my temple.

If I slept peacefully at all, that night, I didn’t recall it.

 _Bastard,_ the swan hissed to me, as it burned up, flakes ash floating off of it like unspoken regrets. A sword punched through his back, coming out dripping red. The tower fell away into nothing as it shot its future into the sky, one life for many. A unit went dark, crumpling slowly to the ground, as so many others lit up with bright understanding. Their bodies were hidden to me, beneath white sheets for the dead, the blood of their wounds soaking through until they were spotted with black.

I woke up again in the middle of the night, sweaty and afraid. I looked to my side, but Jeff was nowhere to be found. I swung my legs out from the covers, and rose from the bed, set out to look for him.

The ship was mostly empty, the lights low while most people slept. I took the lift down to the crew deck before I caught hints of his voice, coming from the still-lit med bay. “I haven't- I haven't pushed it yet. You can't push it with her; when she's ready to talk about it, she'll come talk about it. If you try to bring it up before she's ready, she'll retreat, and…it'll be even longer. She's an adult, okay, she knows better than anybody what's good for her. I of all people should understand that-”

The doctor’s voice came in next, trying to break in almost like a parent, trying to make their child see sense. “Jeff-”

“-no, don't 'Jeff' me. I'm disabled and she's female, there's a lot of bullshit we both have to go through, and yes, I understand as our primary physician it's your job to advise us, but trust me on this one, approaching her isn't the way to go.”

“I'm concerned about her, Jeff. Her metabolic scans right now wouldn't pass a regulation physical. The stress is beginning to cause her serious problems.”

“Can you blame her? She's basically carrying this whole goddamn ship. Ever since Shepard took a swan dive off the deep end, y'know, all grief aside, she's still got a job to do and she's neglecting it. Thane was Glenn's dad long before he was the commander's soulmate, or whatever. But she doesn't get to grieve him, because she's too busy picking up Shepard's fucking slack. And are there any words of sympathy for her? Call me biased or something, but nobody seems to be acknowledging who she lost, I mean, she had a really shitty day, both her parental figures bit it and since then she's been working two jobs. Trying to win this goddamn war.” I realized, with a bit of a shock, that Jeff was _angry._ Angry in a way I hadn’t really heard before.

Obviously, Chakwas had. “Jeff, calm down.”

“Yeah, bullshit,” he bit, resorting to sulkiness. “I'll calm down. Calm down when the CO starts acting like a fucking CO.”

“The commander has her good days.”

“Yeah, and she has her bad days too. She locks herself in her cabin, won't answer to anything- tore out all the security in there, and she doesn't let anyone else up, so there's no way to fix it- Traynor's started relaying all wartime correspondence to our XO just because it has a better chance of getting reviewed there.”

The doctor was still trying to soothe him, whilst getting her point across. “Jeff, I understand that she has objections to the whole process, they're not uncommon, but frankly, she needs counseling, irregardless of her preferences-”

“You don't cure an arachnophobe by covering them in spiders. If you try to put this on her it's only going to stress her out even more.”

“What else am I supposed to do, Jeff?” now the doctor was frustrated. Frustrated, at not being able to do anything. “This is my _job_. I'm the doctor.”

Jeff was insistent. “Let me talk to her.”

“Jeff, I understand that you two care very deeply for each other, but because of that your opinion is hardly a professional one-”

“There's really no other way to put this, Doc, she doesn't like you. She doesn't work like you and I, right? She lives more in her own head than out here, we can talk to someone once and call them a friend, that just doesn't _work_ for her. She's got a different definition of friend, and you add that to everything she's…God, I mean, she's got trust issues, and for _all_ the right reasons, her father was an asshole and she didn't ever get to be a kid. I mean, I spent half my childhood stuck in bed, but at least it was _my_ bed. In my room, with my family, she never even had all of that. She has every reason to be suspicious of every goddamn person she meets. If you want to be her friend, you've got to fucking work for it. And you're gonna have to get over yourself a few times, I know I did. We're a couple of really fucked up people, Doc. I'm not bullshitting anyone about that. But as long as that's true, I'm going to be crystal fucking clear about this- don't alienate her on this. She's going to pull so far away, you're gonna feel just how cold the shoulder can get. Trust me, I know.”

It was at that point that I left, unwilling to hear anymore. I hurried back up to our room, hid under the covers. Not long after, Jeff returned, checking on me before lying down himself. I pretended to be asleep, and he sighed, crawled into his side and fell asleep with his back to me.

I was able to catch a few winks, woke up early in the next day cycle before he did, my mind buzzing. I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. My eyes would be sore, my joints aching and my temples throbbing in a matter of hours. For now, though, I was awake.

I sighed, turning my head to look at my partner. He’d rolled over onto his back sometime in the night, one arm sprawled up over his head and the other resting on his chest, his legs tangled up in the covers and his lips parted as he dreamt. I’m assuming he was dreaming, because his foot kept twitching, almost like a dog’s would in sleep.

I moved closer, until I was tucked under into the hollow of his side, made by the outstretched arm. Burying my nose in the soft, worn fabric of his shirt, which had the fresh-laundered smell to it, with the smell of him underneath, I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, savoring the few rare moments of peace. Soon enough we would be arriving out in the Far Rim, and meeting with the Admiralty Board, who probably wasn’t too fond of me based on the last time we’d met.

Or Shepard, for that matter. I just hoped that Charlie would be with us for this meeting. It fell to me more and more these days to meet with people.

Jeff shifted again next to me, inhaled deeply, stretched, yawned, and then wrapped an arm more securely about me. “Hey, gorgeous,” he mumbled, his fingers weaving through my raven hair and his lips finding my forehead. “Is it morning already?”

“Unfortunately,” I sighed, keeping my voice soft, not wanting to break the spell. My arm snaked around his waist, tugging him closer to me.

“We’ve got to meet with the Admiralty Board today,” he said.

“We?” I snorted. “What’s with all this ‘we’? All you have to do is fly us there. _I_ have to talk to them. Do you remember what happened the last time?”

“Well, no, seeing as I was fending off the Collectors at that time…”

I fell silent, closing my mouth again. “Oh. Right.”

“…and a few hours later, I had the most mind-blowing sex of my life with the most gorgeous woman in the universe…”

“Flatterer,” I said, tapping him lightly in the ribs. He squirmed away from me.

“Hey, that tickles. Try to give a woman a compliment…”

“Hush up,” I said, powering up onto my elbows and leaning forward to shut him up with a kiss. He welcomed the distraction.

“We’ve got a few minutes before EDI comes on and tells me to get up,” he murmured, looking up at me from where I lay overtop of him, fingers creeping down the dip of my back with the growing of the mischievous smile on his face.

“And while that may be enough for _you_ ,” I said, climbing off of him and sliding out of the covers to open the drawers where my uniform sat.

Jeff sighed softly, though he did roll over onto his side to give me a besotted look. “What?” I asked, having pulled on my underwear and successfully hooked my bra, plopping onto the edge of the mattress to tug on my socks.

He scooted closer, wrapped an arm around my side and pressed his nose into the divot of my belly, pressing a soft kiss there. “Been thinkin’ ‘bout you. You and me and what happens after the war’s over.”

“Oh?” I reached higher to pull up my hair, deciding not to disturb him for the moment.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, into the taut skin there. “You in a white dress. Getting someplace together. Maybe even a baby growing in there.” He tapped lightly on my midsection, smiled up at me as I stood and went for my pants.

“Maybe,” I replied, softly, trying to picture myself rocking a chubby-cheeked little creature, perhaps with a shock of raven hair and Jeff’s green eyes. The image didn’t stick, though, and instead I thought of Rhaella. She was far more the mothering type than I.

Sure enough, EDI was on a few moments later- _Jeff, we are entering the Dholen orbit. The envoy is sending hails indicating that they are ready to dock._

“Right,” Jeff groaned, as he got out of bed, shuffling around to retrieve his duty regs and put them on. “I’ll bring ‘em in, skipper,” he said, as he was leaving, tossing a two-finger salute at me.

“See to it,” I called after him, tugging on my gloves and stepping into my boots, emerging onto CIC to find the place buzzing like a beehive, much like it had before Wrex and the dalatrass had come aboard.

“Traynor, are we on schedule?” I called, stepping up to monitor the, well, monitor.

“We’re aligning right now,” she replied. “The bridge should be extending in just a few minutes.”

“Any sign of the commander?” I asked.

She hesitated, didn’t look me in the eye. She shook her head. Sighing, I stepped away, and looked flatly to the lift.

“Tell Alenko to suit up, have him bring the Admiralty Board to the war room. Something tells me they won’t be heartbroken that I’m not there to greet them personally.” I turned to the elevator, punched the button and turned back. “I’ll be as quick about this as I can,” I said, stepped in, and headed up to the top level.

I’d never been to the first floor, labeled “captain’s cabin”, before. When I stepped off, there was only a small causeway before a door, which showed red in the lock.

Sighing, I banged on the door, with one fist. “Charlie? Charles, come on. The Admiralty Board is docking in less than ten minutes.”

There was no response from the interior. I sighed, and hit on it again. “Commander, you and I both know that no matter how well you’ve managed to keep everyone else out, it’s not going to keep me from in there.”

Again, no response.

“I’m coming in,” I said, finally, pulling up my omni-tool, queuing up an advanced decryption program that I hadn’t used in months, and set it to the door. I stood there for a good few minutes, as the protocol fought with the mechanisms, but at last the final firewall gave out and the door turned green, and slid open.

I stepped inside. The accommodations were certainly nice; I’d seen apartments that were plenty smaller. There was a fishtank that covered the wall to my left, a wide variety of piscine creatures swimming happily in the water. As I watched, a VI pinged and dropped a measured amount of food into the tank for the fish within.

Turning my attention away from the tank, I stepped farther down into her quarters. The bed was neatly made, her clothes were all folded and organized in her drawers, her desk was an odd amalgamation of knick-knacks, an old N7 helmet, and a framed picture of Ashley Williams. I picked that up briefly, set it down again and pressed upward once more.

The desk housing her terminal was sheltered by two walls of model ships. I snorted as I picked out a Reaper as one of them, briefly traced a finger down the _Normandy_ SR-2’s hull and looked down to her old tags, kept in a frame.

 _But where was she?_ I looked around for the mysterious missing Shepard, my eyes narrowing. That was when I heard the water running.

Fearing the worst, I located the door to the bathroom and pried it open- heart rate relaxing a little when I saw her, sopping wet but quite alive, hunched over in the shower, letting the water run over her.

I stepped up, reached in and tapped her on the shoulder. “Charles.”

Slowly, she raised her head- she looked awful, like she hadn’t slept; eyes red, blotchy, and rimmed in dark circles.

“The Admiralty Board’s here,” I said.

“I know.” Her voice was a shadow of what it had once been, the silver tongue that had charmed millions and persuaded the hardest of the hardasses. Now, it was a hoarse whisper, a sound barely audible over the running water. “I just…I got up this morning and I…I couldn’t.”

For a long time, I considered her words. “That’s all right,” I said finally, tugging off my uniform gloves, rolling up my sleeves and reaching in to pull her up by her shoulders. “But come on, let’s get you out of there. You don’t want to chance getting the recycled water from the men’s showers.”

That got a weak smile out of her, and I counted that as a victory- I guided her out of the shower, switched the water off and pulled the towel from the rack to scrub her down.

I had experience in bathing people. In another lifetime, perhaps I might’ve helped given Rhaella her baths. Instead, my memories recalled my duties within the Hellcats’ base, cleaning the wounds of recently-returned teammates, the water clouding with the blood from their cuts and scrapes and gashes until I couldn’t see through it anymore.

 _Bastard,_ cracked like a whip between my ears. I gave a start, then continued drying the commander. She was too out of it to notice. For once I was grateful.

Once I was done, she led me down to her bed, where she crawled under the covers, pulled them up to her chin and rolled onto her side.

“I can’t sleep,” she said, softly. “I have nightmares.”

I sat down beside her. “Me too,” I confessed. It wasn’t like they were much of a secret; I mean, I slept by Jeff’s side every night. But I felt like Charlie understood me in a different way, and she looked at me once before shutting her eyes.

After a moment, I rose. As I was leaving, I noticed something dark, and when I picked it up my breath caught. Thane’s coat- a torn and bloodied hole out the back, but Thane’s coat nonetheless.

I turned back to Charlie. I moved back to the bedspread, and gently laid the leather garment over her. She murmured, and a hand protruded from the coverlet to grasp one sleeve. My throat closed up, and I turned away and left hurriedly. “EDI, how are we doing?” I asked, as I stepped into the lift, scrubbing roughly at my eyes and composing myself.

“ _All of the admirals have been brought aboard, Glenn._ ”

I took a deep breath. “Right, then. Seems I’ll just…be doing the negotiating.” I wondered if it was out of necessity or my own blind loyalty that I ventured into that particular viper’s nest.

As I was about to step into the mid-room with the scanner, the door opened and Kaidan Alenko and I barreled very suddenly into each other. “Whoa!”

Before I could fall too far, he caught me, and we ended up in a sort of a cliché dancing swoop kind of pose- which we held, awkwardly, for a moment, unsure of what else to do. Then, Traynor giggled at us from behind a hand, and we hurriedly stepped apart, brushing the front of our uniforms off. “Sorry…ma’am.”

“No problem, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” I stammered, trying not to stare at him. He _really_ cleaned up nice in a uniform, and he filled it out very nicely, and the memory of how it all felt squished against me was still fresh in my mind, leaving me a little bit frazzled. “Uh, how’s the…um, the Admiralty Board?”

“They’re fine,” he said, clearly glad for the diversion to professional matters. “Settled in. I was just going to look for you, actually. Ma’am.”

I sighed. “Oh, stop with the…the ‘ma’am’, you’re a bloody _major,_ everyone on this ship knows it.” I thought he might protest, _but you’re the XO…ma’am,_ but he just kept his mouth shut, and looked at me, blinking. Which was what I might have done in this situation. Someone perceptive enough to realize what things were better left unsaid at the moment was a rare thing indeed, so I took it at face value and used the moment to take a steadying breath.

“The Commander isn’t coming,” I said, when I had calmed down.

“I thought as much,” he said, dejected, folding his arms. He was no James Vega, but the motion still left me a little concerned for the seams on the sleeves.

“Look, we’ll…” I went in to touch him on the shoulder and pulled back at the last moment, thinking it might be a bad idea. “…we’ll get through this. I’ll talk to them.” I sighed, moving through the scanner, as he trailed right after me. “Which is _great._ They just _love_ me!”

“Detecting a little bit of sarcasm there, ma’am,” he quipped, as we were cleared to step through.

“I told you,” I started, exasperated, but when I turned on my heel he had this smug half-smile on his face, one corner turned up at me. I closed my mouth, fought a chuckle.

“You’re yanking my chain.”

He shrugged. “Sorry. Couldn’t resist.”

“Glenn,” I said, abruptly.

He blinked at me.

“Just…Glenn, I, would you tell them I’ve arrived?” I flushed, rubbing at my temple and making some of my hair come loose.

“Sure,” he said, stepping down into the war room. “Glenn,” he said, over his shoulder, with another one of those smiles, and I shook my head, closing my eyes and counting to ten before following him. _Glenn, you damned fool._

I stepped down into the war room, Kaidan after me, and saw the admirals already gathered, their backs to us as they faced the display.

“Admirals,” I said, and they turned, parted their ranks to allow me through to circle around to the other side.

“Executive Officer Glenn, I believe,” Shala’Raan replied, civilly.

“Still,” I agreed, unable to help my slight smile. Only now did I hold the title true- but what the Admiralty Board didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. “And I see you are all still admirals.” I folded my arms. “Citadel Special Tactics and Recon informed me a good few months ago you were recalling all pilgrimages back to the fleet.” I tilted my head. “Why?”

It was Han’Gerrel who answered me. “The Migrant Fleet has at last begun the war to retake the Homeworld.”

“You what?” I snapped, leaning over the display. “Did Shepard not tell you that starting a war now was at the very least, foolish, at the worst, a death sentence?”

“She advised us,” Daro’Xen cut in, coldly. “There is a difference. Where _is_ Shepard, I wonder?”

“I wonder if that’s chief among your worries, Admiral,” I cut her off, “The Reapers are getting closer to your sector every day and soon you’ll be fighting a war on two fronts.”

“I told them not to attack Rannoch,” Zaal’Koris insisted, “Now they’ve driven the geth straight into the Reapers’ arms!”

I put a hand up. “Hold up. Say again, what…what do you mean, into the Reapers’ arms?”

The admirals looked amongst each other. It was Raan who spoke.

“The geth have made an alliance with the Reapers. They have been upgraded to be vastly more intelligent.”

“There’s a geth dreadnought that’s transmitting the Reaper signal,” Gerrel stepped in. “It’s keeping the Fleet pinned down in the home system. If it was destroyed, we could end this stalemate, and soon the war.”

“If it was destroyed, it would give the Civilian Fleet the chance for a safe retreat,” Koris cut over him, testily.

I sighed, bracing on the display and squeezing the bridge of my nose. “And that’s what you need, then. That dreadnought destroyed.”

“Yes.” Raan nodded.

“After which we will gladly enter talks to join your efforts,” Xen finished.

I resisted the urge to glare at her. “The Reapers won’t discriminate, when they come to you. This is and _should_ be as much your cause as it is ours. But, fine. I’ll send teams in to take care of it, if it gets you to join my ‘efforts.’”

“We thought you might say so.” Raan turned to the door, as did the other admirals, to herald another figure arriving. “But we brought along someone to give you a bit of help- our resident expert on the geth.”

The newcomer stood at parade rest, hands clasped behind her back. “Admiral Tali’Zorah vas Normandy, reporting for duty.”

A small smile cracked across my face, pushing off the display to fold my arms, and stand with my hips at a tilt. “Well, I’ll be.”

As I departed the briefing, I looked Tali over. She’d acquired a new suit more befitting an admiral, still her old purple, but darker, more royal, and trimmed in gold.

“So, I imagine there was no talking them down about this,” I said.

“I did the best I could. Zaal’Koris was on my side, but Gerrel and Xen were set on it.” She shook her head. “They convinced Raan, and so they went.”

“I thought you’d wanted to take your homeworld back.”

She tossed her hands out, exasperated. “I…I don’t know. After talking to Legion, I…I thought maybe there was some opportunity for peace.”

“Peace.” I sighed, moving to the corridor walls and looking out over the stars. “Was there ever really an opportunity for peace?”

Tali, slowly, followed me. “Are you talking about the geth? Or…”

I shrugged. There was a silence, wherein she simply stood a little behind me.

“Let’s just focus on getting rid of that dreadnought,” I said at last, scrubbing wearily at my face. “Then…then we can deal with the rest of it.” I turned about, and offered up the best smile I could, for her sake. “Good to have you back, even if only for a little while. If you need anything, I’m on the CIC.”

“Of course.” She nodded, and went down, to return to the admirals. I watched her leave, closed my eyes and pushed my forehead into the cold glass, letting my mind wander. It didn’t go far before collapsing in leaden weariness- before I knew it, a pair of strong arms were straightening me up. “Whoa, there, XO, you all right?”

“What?” I opened my tired eyes, raising a hand to scrub at them before they focused again. _Oh, not again…_ “Oh, uh, yes. I’m fine.”

“You were dropping off right against that window.” Kaidan’s entire posture radiated concern, and I realized he was still holding me. Gingerly, I extracted myself from his hold.

“I just…didn’t sleep well last night. And I’ve had to do a…a lot of interacting and being in charge and…a lot of people today.” I wrapped my arms around myself, sighed, let my head droop momentarily before picking it up again.

Kaidan looked at me, understanding. “Make an early night of it, then. I’ll take point.”

“I should-”

“You’re no use to us run ragged,” he said, taking me gently by the shoulders and wheeling me out towards the CIC. “You need to get some rest. We’ve got a dreadnought to storm tomorrow and you’re in no shape to stay up with paperwork.”

Sighing, I shut my eyes and gave in to his insistence. “Fine, I’ll- I’ll go. Just…”

I grappled for some way to put it, some way that wouldn’t make me too vulnerable, but he just stepped up, rested his hands on my shoulders. “None of us are sleeping well,” he murmured, and something in his words or the way he was looking at me made me tremble, vaguely. His one hand lifted, brushing a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “Go on,” he said, and I took a slow step back, then another, then I whirled around and hurried out, my face burning in the memory of where he’d touched me, the lingering aura of our biotics interacting still sending jolts through all of my nerves.

I undressed, clambered into bed, pulled the covers up to my chin and shut my eyes, dozing in a dark, quiet bliss, letting my thoughts go. But he surfaced, now and again, the flash of a crooked smile or a raised eyebrow. That raven hair was tinged with grey in some places. A dry joke that he had told (the man was deadpan joking half of the time; no one ever got it), and now flashes of contact, being close to him in a completely unprofessional manner- we’d been knocked together on the battlefield now and again, but that much was to be expected; and uniforms came different than full body armor.

Absently, I traced the curve of my cheek, where his fingers had brushed, passing over scar lines. I closed my eyes and shed a tear, and then more, because I didn’t understand the first one. I curled in on myself and I cried, until I’d run out of tears and was left even emptier than before.

When Jeff climbed into bed later, wrapped an arm around me and dropped a kiss on the back of my neck, it was someone else’s lips I thought of, cut by a small scar with one just below.


End file.
